worry woman

I am no good at this...ANY of it...

2006-11-09T12:14:00.000-05:00

Holding Onto Me...

"It's alright yeah I'll be fine

don't worry 'bout this heart of mine

just leave the pieces when you go..."

another zinger this morning...

2006-11-08T14:13:00.000-05:00

"Spears upbeat after filing for divorce"

Britney & Kevin. Can you believe it? Never thought it would happen...RIGHT!
You know...I don't know how much more I can take! Brit & K-Fed split, and now the country is SUPPOSED TO work together in a bipartisan way...
Because the Democrats have the floor again...
Ugh...
Don't know what to really think of that...
Another Yeah RIGHT is in order I do believe...

There goes another one ladies.

2006-11-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

So there you have it folks...It is so so so true what mom says...ALL THE GOOD MEN ARE GAY OR MARRIED!!!!! Crap, these days, they are taken by other men damnit. NNNOOOOOOOO , NOT DOOGIE! = ( LOOK AT THAT FACE!!!!! Oh well. there go all of my childhood fantasies about Doogie & I...(at least he is happy right? SEE how selfish I am??? Jeeze!)

Neil Patrick Harris is gay and wants to quell any rumors to the contrary. "(I) am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest," Harris tells People magazine's Web site.
The 33-year-old actor said he was motivated to disclose his sexuality because of recent "speculation and interest in my private life and relationships."Harris stars on the CBS comedy "How I Met Your Mother." He started on TV as a teen, playing the namesake doctor on the series "Doogie Howser, M.D."

Here it is for all you boys out there who have done us girls wrong...

2006-11-06T21:57:00.000-05:00

AND YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE...SOMEDAY...I HOPE THEY READ THIS...

To the rest of you, sorry.

Alanis Morrisette just always says it best...

2006-10-30T11:14:00.000-05:00

"you'll rescue me right? in the exact same way they never did..
I'll be happy right? when your healing powers kick in
you'll complete me right? then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? only when you realize the gem I am?
but this won't work now the way it once did
and I won't keep it up even though I would love to
once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim
these precious illusions in my head did not let me down
when I was defenseless
and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
this ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
this pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water
but this won't work as well as the way it once did
cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
and though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim
these precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend
I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode
but this won't work now the way it once did
cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim
these precious illusions in my head did not let me down
when I was defenseless
and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends"

SSSHHHHH~guess what I have been doing

2006-10-05T13:11:00.000-04:00

Whats in a name…I mean really? We have a guy here with the last name Holmes and I laugh about it to myself because of the porn star guy everyone always used to talk about with the huge dick…ANYWAY, my question is why can I not play in the boys club? I always used to be able to! Okay, let me elaborate…at work two guys were going to lunch and one said okay I will be there after I clear out all of these emails about these penis enlargers and viagra supplements…we will go! SO…Me being me, I say, damn, I never get any of those! Ha ha ha. I then get the three headed, seventeen eyed, green monster look from these two guys who immediately stop laughing. I guess we can blame Clarence Thomas for that…

This is the next new HOT HOT HOT place where I am finding my next boyfriend!!! =)

Then there is this…
Ga. mother seeks Harry Potter ban
A suburban county that sparked a public outcry when its libraries temporarily eliminated funding for Spanish-language fiction is now being asked to ban Harry Potter books from its schools.
Laura Mallory, a mother of four, told a hearing officer for the Gwinnett County Board of Education on Tuesday that the popular fiction series is an "evil" attempt to indoctrinate children in the Wicca religion.
Board of Education attorney Victoria Sweeny said that if schools were to remove all books containing reference to witches, they would have to ban "Macbeth" and "Cinderella."
"There's a mountain of evidence for keeping Harry Potter," she said, adding that the books don't support any particular religion but present instead universal themes of friendship and overcoming adversity.

CAN YOU GIVE ME A BREAK ALREADY???GO FUCKING HOME AND RAISE YOUR DAMN 4 KIDS MRS MALLORY!
My sister & her husband do not allow their sons to read it for the same reasons that this woman & her husband are speaking of…which I think is TOTAL BULLSHIT…but everyone has their opinion…my opinion is don’t take it out of the schools you dumb ass! YOU ARE NOT EVERY PARENT!!!!! Reading gets kids away from the TV! Apparently where YOUR kids are while you are waging this stupid ass war for nothing-or with a nanny!!! If you care so much, stay at home with your kids! Reading is opening kids minds again and having them used their imagination and away from the TV and computer…so shut the fuck up…(thanks to my co worker for that quote!)

Gotta go and pay a girl Dr. to feel me up now…who hoo! Then check out my plumbing…how icky…

Some things I've learned...

2006-09-29T10:14:00.000-04:00

First thing personally that I have learned is that half of the time I feel like a fish out of water. Flopping around just trying to find out where the hell the water is! (I bet I look like one when I dance! I think I look good though...)
Then...
There are these...how true. Happy Friday! I MISS MY SISTER! = (

I’ve learned you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust-yet it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes…then you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others-they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting LONG after you think you have finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do…unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be A LOT of money to take its place!

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away…

***UPDATE***

okay, stay with me people... Mr. Judd is the Polk County Sheriff...the last sentence is the MOST important! Yahoo News~

LAKELAND, Fla. - A man suspected of shooting a Polk County sheriff's deputy to death was killed Friday, officials said.
Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said SWAT team members shot the man numerous times after finding him in thick brush, a day after Deputy Vernon Matthew Williams and his dog were killed in a burst of gunfire. The suspect refused to show both of his hands when officers commanded him to, Judd said.
The suspect appeared to have the .45-caliber weapon that belonged to Williams, Judd said. He still did not know the man's name.
Judd said he saw the man's body in the brush and matched it to the photo of the suspect that had been released Thursday.

"I trust God to be the judge and jury better than anyone on earth," Judd said.

AMEN!!!

Funny Thursday...but sad too...

2006-09-28T13:06:00.000-04:00

What is up with the Psycho bastard in Colorado? God Bless all of the families there…DID I MENTION THAT MY SISTER IS A TEARCHER? ALSO, THE GUY I LIKE? I know he only took kids, but one never knows…

More later...
okay, its later...
I. LOVE. TO. READ. It takes me away from reality. So LOOK at this list on Yahoo's Buzz index!!!

(***just incase link ever closes, I am posting list here!!!***)
1. "Harry Potter"(Series) (J.K. Rowling)
2. "To Kill a Mockingbird" (Harper Lee)
3. "The Coloe Purple" (Alice Walker)
4. "The Outsiders" (S.E. Hinton)
5. "Lord of the Flies" (William Golding)
6. "Of Mice and Men" (John Steinbeck)
7. "Goosebumps" (Series) (R.L. Stine)
8. "How to Eat Ffied Worms" (Thomas Rockwell)
9. "The Catcher in thr Rye" (J.D. Salinger)
10. "The Adventures of HuckleberryFinn" (Mark Twain)
11. "The Giver" (Lois Lowry)
12. "Brave New World" (Aldous Huxley) ~HEY ASHLEY!!!
13. "The ADventures of Tom Sawyer" (Mark Twain)
14. " Captain Underpants" (Dav Pilkey)
15. "The Anarchist Cookbook" (William Powell)
16. "Carrie" (Stephen King)
17. "Flowers for Algernon" (Daniel Keyes)
18. "The Dead Zone" (Stephen King)
19. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" (Maya Angelou)
20."Go Ask Alice" (anonymous)
21. "American Psycho" (Bret Easton Ellis)
22. "The Chocolate War" (Robert Cormier)
23. "James and the Giant Peach" (Roald Dahl)
24. "The Pigman" (Paul Zindel)
25. "A Wrinkle in Time" (Madeleine L'Engle)

Okay, American Psycho...crazy ass SCARY book!!! Once you get into it, VERY detailed...AND HE (Patrick) KILLED A DOG...I had to put it down for a while then. Wild to see it on that list! I have read a few other classics on there but now I am going to hit the library for a few more.

Speaking of MUST READS...This is a place I found that cracks me up. THIS entry KILLS me!

Oh Boy!

2006-09-27T13:29:00.000-04:00

Another magnet for the refrigerator…so I can keep telling MYSELF that…
1. This is all that this relationship that I am in right now is about and…
2. My little one will know that pretty much ALL boys just want a piece of the action…RIGHT GUYS????? CAN ANYONE PROVE ME WRONG?

I will be better when…whatever happens…HAPPENS…I am just getting ready to hit the deck running…

words...

2006-09-26T13:26:00.000-04:00

See, I set myself up for this…
Why did I decide to go out shooting in the first place???
SOMEONE said it would be fun…
I HATE HAVING FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So besides that, my family can’t stand me now. I’m a bitch. Make that a selfish bitch. I guess I never used to be, and now I am. I KNOW DAMN GOOD AND WELL WHY I YELL AT MOM…but why my sister had to be so nasty to me, I still am not sure why and I am not calling her back to apologize for something I didn’t do wrong. I didn’t call her up and get snotty with her on the phone…sure, I have been busy lately and not called but she has done that to me MANY a night-told me she would call back and didn’t! I UNDERSTAND!!!! So when you call me and get nasty to me right off and tell me I only call when I want something is total bullshit big sister and you know it-I did that night though-you were right…but that was NOT the only reason I called-did you forget I called the night before and left a message??? NOOOOO, you were not home-I UNDERSTAND!!!!! I don’t get you sometimes. You will hold this anger until I call you and say I am sorry…not this time. Well, if I die maybe you will feel bad-did you ever think of that??? Yeah yeah and I am a dirty slut, I know…SO SUE ME FOR LIKING SEX!!! Nothing wrong with that!

ALMOST, but I didn't...

2006-09-21T13:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I have been silly busy with new boyfriend, (or whatever you want to call him!)daughter with school and my mom…(MOM IS OKAY!!! Come to find out-not even her heart, just a muscle…might now have shingles though…eekkk!) SO back to point…have been having nagging feeling in my head…WHY THE HELL IS TODAY SO DAMN IMPORTANT????? September 21st…why am I supposed to remember??? Meet and greet with daughters teachers is tonight. That just must be it…THEN I REMEMBERED!!!! You see, someone (ME) has not been watching her TV like she should…ITS GREY’S ANATOMY TONIGHT! IT’S GREY’S ANATOMY TONIGHT!! IT’S GREY’S ANATOMY TONIGHT!!! How in the hell could I forget that??? So this will be my evening…

Home @ 5:00 Take daughter to McDonalds…(Please Lord don’t let the McNuggets kill her…)
Going to meet the teachers @ 5:45…
HOME BY SEVEN O’CLOCK!!!!!
Toss kid in shower- (done @ 7:20)
Jump in right behind her- (I will be done by 8:00)
Read daughter Harry Potter from Library until bedtime @ 8:30 OR do homework.
Then, turn off my phones and PARK. MY. ASS. IN. FRONT. OF. T.V. FOR. MY. SHOW!!!!!
YEAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I L-O-V-E GREY’S ANATOMY!!!!!
Life is back to normal…even if it is not on Sunday nights…Izzy better not leave…= (

And P.S. How about Tiger Woods…Standing up for his wife…YOU GO TIGER! Here is a salute from me to you wishing all guys were like that!!!!!
***DISCLAIMER***
Maybe they are-just never for me...=)

Woods rips Irish mag for story on wife
By DOUG FERGUSON, AP Golf Writer
Tiger Woods was outraged Wednesday at an Irish magazine and a tabloid that linked photos of his wife to various pornography sites, and his agent was studying the merits of a lawsuit.
"I know the media can be a little bit difficult at times, but when you ... it's hard to be very diplomatic about this when you have so much emotion involved, when my wife is involved in this," Woods said. "As I said, I don't want that to deter from the beauty of this event."
Woods said making public his feelings was a matter of sticking up for his wife."You do things for the people you love and you care about," Woods said. "My father got ridiculed for years, and I always felt for my father and my mother the same way. My wife, we're in it together. We're a team, and we do things as a team. And I care about her with all my heart."

Welcome to my Nightmare...

2006-09-15T14:17:00.000-04:00

My mom has had what might have been a small heart attack...or the beginning of heart problems. she is only 63 and just started flying again...ugh. Nothing more to say about that I guess.

Funny how true this is…my favorite color IS yellow. A girl I used to work with whom I did not like much asked me what my favorite color was one day and I said yellow and she looked me right in the eye and said, “You’re favorite color is the color of urine?” Needless to say I was pissed and liked her even LESS that day. But since yellow IS my favorite color-nothing bothers me long because I AM A FUCKING HAPPY PERSON DAMNIT! I MAKE EVERYONE LAUGH!!! IT IS MY THING!!!!! Well, my momma's heart might not be okay and I feel really shitty. I wanted to be the first to go...(sort of...)

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.
You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

I wanna be Don~(see bottom joke)

2006-09-14T14:48:00.000-04:00

Any one know Limp Bizkit??? They sing a song called Break Stuff...I used to BLARE it in my car on bad days driving home from work singing it at the top of my lungs and I would feel so much better...but I had a 45 minute drive then... I am 5 minutes away now, and I do not even own that cd anymore...

Its just one of those days When you don't wanna wake up Everything is f***d Everybody sucks You don't really know why But want justify Rippin' someones head off No human contact And if you interact Your life is on contract Your best bet is to stay away mother

f****r It's just one of those days!!

So here is something funny~it IS Thursday...

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-outline pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?!!!

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderlyneighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for atable. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may nothave 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they wouldhate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down theaisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed herfather and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pewsresponded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. Asher father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relaxand get used to the idea.

Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say? " Artie said: "I would like them to say I wasa wonderful husband, a Fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher andservant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives." Don said:"I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

I have a Confession...

2006-09-12T11:06:00.000-04:00

I am an email pack-rat...I save emails. Some because I like, some so I won't lose the address of who sent it and last but NOT least...Some so I can use against someone at a later date. =) ha ha

So I am not sure if I have posted this before, but I need this today...BECAUSE IT IS ON AGAIN WITH THE CHEMISTRY TEACHER!!!!! => God help me.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity. * **People who know mw know I have already tried some of these things...they are pretty fun!***

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. Its Called therapy.

Something funny for a somber day...

2006-09-11T11:08:00.000-04:00

Thanks for the joke Dad...and also a eeewwwww...
Are you thawed out yet??? hahaha (N~ told me they didn't freeze you and I will not let them do it for Christman either! =< )
I think I saw this cat a few times in Palm Beach also...

Oh how funny is this too...I thought is was going to be nice...

Happy Monday Blogosphere...

Truth Hurts???

2006-09-09T13:45:00.000-04:00

Clinton officials protest 9/11 TV series

Can you believe this shit???DON'T LET ANYONE SLAM THE DEMOCRATS...I hate it when they pull this shit...shut the hell up!!! Freedom of speech! Where is everyone now? Rev. Jackson? No, we GOOD WELL BEHAVED Republicans do the right thing...we don't go cry and grab the ACLU...UGH...

I sent this article to my dad and this is what he had to say…
“Bunch of thin-skinned weenies who can dish it out but can't take it. What they are REALLY crying about is that it is so close to election time...”

Yep, I agree. Now I am ALL for a woman president, just not her. Please Lord…ANYONE but her…

Article from Yahoo News…
By DEEPTI HAJELA, Associated Press Writer
NEW YORK - A "terribly wrong" miniseries about events leading to the Sept. 11 attacks blame
President' Clintons policies, former Clinton administration officials said in letters demanding that ABC correct it or not air it.

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger, Clinton Foundation head Bruce Lindsey and Clinton adviser Douglas Band wrote in the past week to Robert Iger, CEO of ABC's parent The Walt Disney Co., to express concern over "The Path to 9/11."
The two-part miniseries, scheduled to be broadcast on Sunday and Monday, is drawn from interviews and documents including the report of the Sept. 11 commission. ABC has described it as a "dramatization" as opposed to a documentary.
"For dramatic and narrative purposes, the movie contains fictionalized scenes, composite and representative characters and dialogue, and time compression," ABC said in its statement. "We hope viewers will watch the entire broadcast of the finished film before forming an opinion about it."
The letter writers said the miniseries contained factual errors, and that their requests to see it had gone unanswered.
"By ABC's own standard, ABC has gotten it terribly wrong," Lindsey and Band said in their letter.
"The content of this drama is factually and incontrovertibly inaccurate and ABC has a duty to fully correct all errors or pull the drama entirely. It is unconscionable to mislead the American public about one of the most horrendous tragedies our country has ever known."
The letters pointed out examples of scenes they had been told were in the miniseries, but which they said never happened. Albright objected to a scene that she was told showed her insisting on warning the Pakistani government before an airstrike on

Afghanistan, and that she was the one who made the warning.
"The scene as explained to me is false and defamatory," she said.
Berger objected to a scene that he was told showed him refusing to authorize an attack on

Osama bin Laden despite the request from

CIA officials. "The fabrication of this scene (of such apparent magnitude) cannot be justified under any reasonable definition of dramatic license," he wrote.
Lindsey and Band objected to advertisements for the miniseries, which they said suggested that Clinton wasn't paying enough attention to the threat of terrorism.
"While ABC is promoting "The Path to 9/11" as a dramatization of historical fact, in truth it is a fictitious rewriting of history that will be misinterpreted by millions of Americans," they said. "Given your stated obligation to 'get it right,' we urge you to do so by not airing this drama until the egregious factual errors are corrected, an endeavor we could easily assist you with given the opportunity to view the film."The five-hour miniseries is set to run without commercial interruption. Director David Cunningham said it was a massive undertaking, with close to 250 speaking parts, more than 300 sets, and a budget of $40 million. Cunningham has said he shot 550 hours of film. The cast includes Harvey Keitel, Patricia Heaton and Donnie Wahlberg.

Still debating the last one...

2006-09-07T12:03:00.000-04:00

"Paris Hilton was arrested in Hollywood early on Thursday on suspicion of drunk driving, Los Angeles police said..." (story stolen from Yahoo News from Reuters)
And you know I AM JUST S-H-O-C-K-E-D…

it was only a matter if time. I am just waiting to hear that her and Nicole Ritchie are refunders…
I would hate to live in the public eye…people would have a field day with me…

"Police pulled the hotel heiress over and tested her for intoxication after seeing her drive erratically, Los Angeles police officer Robert Andreno told Reuters.
"She was arrested so, yes, she failed the sobriety test," Andreno said.
Los Angeles police spokeswoman Marjan Mobasser said Hilton was stopped by traffic officers in the Hollywood area at about 1:20 a.m.

The 25-year-old heiress to the Hilton hotel and real estate dynasty has achieved celebrity through saturation media coverage of her hard-partying lifestyle and a growing number of television appearances.
She is best known for her hit reality show "The Simple Life" and for a sex video that showed up on the Internet.
Earlier this year a judge ordered Hilton to stay away from a Los Angeles party planner who accused her of bombarding him with angry phone calls, shoving him and threatening his life. "

First day of school...SHE MISSED THE BUS!!! Is that a sign of things to come? I say NO! Oh please Lord no. The bus schedule was wrong and I had to drive her in. That was okay...then I ran and and crossing guard lady says "Don't run!" my clumsy clog wearing ass slips and almost falls down...I know I would have been fine if she wouldn't have said that! Murphy is my monkey...small child had no homework-BUT I DID! I forgot about all of the papers one has to fill out. **Note to self** ask my teacher sister WHERE THE HELL THEY PUT ALL OF THESES DAMN PAPERS!!!!! I think it is for records. Ugh.
I was SUPER pissed the other night because of the chemistry teacher...MC (mostly MY fault) so I went out for a power walk/run...IN ALL BLACK. I is reallllly dark after 9:00 here and not too many street lights and my hoodie was black and I could have been a mugger! I am suprised I didn't get hit by a car or if the cops were out-why they didn't ask me what the hell I was up to....but ANYWAY when I used to come home after these power walks/runs I would always see Miss A...the neighbors daughter...she moved away now to college with her boooyfriend...Mr. J...I miss seeing Miss A. after these walks because we would always laugh about everything and nothing and that is how I got to really know the neighbors...

One less thing...

2006-09-06T11:01:00.000-04:00

Oh boy. The refrigerator magnet people have made it extra special easy for me now to explain to my daughter how to snag a man! ALL I have to do is slap this on the fridge so she can see and read it everyday. After reading it day after day - one day, BOOM! She will just know.
Sex Ed…CHECK-

***I AM JOKING***

Now, I am SOOOOO good with imaginary boyfriends-it is INSANE! They ALL want me...oops, sorry, I'm back.

Like always, in my brain, I just lost it for a minute or two...Nobody gets me except me! Truth, I am done with the chemistry teacher…too many issues. He is JUST NOW split up with his wife. I mean she just moved out in August. The marriage was over long before that apparently but I am not going to be in the beginning of that poor mans nightmare. I sure will be here if he needs me as a friend to talk to, but NOT as a girlfriend. Plus, he just wanted a piece of ass anyway I believe but couldn’t come right out and say it. Things would have been MUCH different if he had. I mean a booty call is a booty call if you can disconnect the two in your mind and at this point in my life, I bet I could. But, now that I have had a taste of the fruit of dating, I want to do more of it. I have no idea how-or when (especially with my track record) but with a MILLION thanks to my neighbor; I think maybe I just might. Maybe a few thanks to the chemistry teacher also.

Funny Thursdays are BACK!

2006-08-31T18:42:00.000-04:00

Going to see this ANYDAY now...

It IS illegal to talk on your cell phone and drive here in New York state...(I have been guilty a time or two myself.) So in traffic, people talk on their cell phones ALL THE TIME. Not even in traffic, I see people talk on them a lot...
How do I know that these people are on their cell phones you ask???
Because theses are the people WHO ARE RUNNING ME OFF OF THE DAMN ROAD!!!!!
And why are the police not giving out tickets for this??? That is a good way to #1 stop it and #2 get the police somemore money...I am GLAD they are out there protecting my ass! Hate it when I get a ticket, but happy as hell when there is a 2 minute response time to my 911 call! (Hope I never have to make THAT call!!!)

Happy Happy...

2006-08-30T12:48:00.000-04:00

What is up with the universe???
Is it a full moon?
It is just me isn't is?
I WAS SINGING SEXYBACK BY JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING AND DANCING!!!! I trip over lint! I right now have 3 broken toes because I fell down 3 stairs letting the dogs out to pee and don’t even remember HOW I fell!!! So I am a bit of a klutz-always have been…I am a rock and roll girl but that song is really catchy...
ANYWAY…the universe…the boy mostly is who I am referring to…what to do what to do…I like the boy and I don’t want to like the boy…just gonna do like the good friend said and let it ride-can’t REALLY hurt right???
right?
RIGHT?
RIGHT???
Shit…….I hope not…….The good friends let me have it about my life yesterday too…THAT’S FOR A DIFFERENT POST-WOO-HOO!

Kiss it Goodbye

2006-08-29T12:18:00.000-04:00

I ALWAYS get myself worked up over something that is nothing. I have no idea why I do this…I know I do it and I TRY to stop-I really do-but I just get so excited…euphoria…it’s a wonderful thing. BOYS…are a wonderful thing…if it was just a booty call someone should have told ME that from day one so I could have made my mind up if that was what I even wanted to do or not-and apparently it is not. He and I are chatting each other up and laughing and acting like old friends then BAM! Saturday at the neighbors we kiss and it is all I can do but not want to be in a relationship with this guy and have a boyfriend…shit-who am I fooling, I wanted that when he took me to lunch Thursday!!! He had to go and get all romantic on my ass...What is the rule…men use romance to get sex-women use sex to get romance…

SEE WHY I AM SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM GOING TO KILL YOU MRH, NEIGHBOR GIRL-
I know it is not your fault I think this way, but just never try to introduce me to anyone again please-it might look bad on your end too to have such a freaky friend.

Oh and the funny part too…told my Dad I had a date with a Chemistry teacher…here is conversation…
Me- “So, Dad went out on a neat lunch date Thursday.”
Dad-“Really, with whom?”
Me-“A guy the neighbor introduced me to.”
Dad-“The girl who lives next door to you in the woods? The pretty Indian one?”
Me-“YES DAD, the pretty one, and she is not in the woods, and guess what he does for a living?”
Dad-“What?”
Me-“He is a Chemistry teacher!” (Insert impressed voice)
Dad-“Well, did you keep your mouth shut so you didn’t scare him away?”
EXACT EFFING WORDS…
IS THAT FUNNY OR WHAT…
I CRACKED UP…He meant it because of my constant blabbering, NOT to be REALLY mean…LETS HOPE!
(Can anyone else hear therapy calling??????? =) Just kidding Dad…

Too good to be true...

2006-08-28T13:59:00.000-04:00

MC took me to lunch on Thursday…
Lunch…are you kidding? It was out of a damn romance novel by Nora Roberts!!!! A picnic lunch at the park! One he did all by himself! A vegetarian one at that! He is a big Mr. Man hunter too…(ewwww.) I could not believe it. Too damn good to be true already. I love Nora Roberts’s novels! I hate this shit! I WANT THIS TO BE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE BUT I KNOW BETTER. This stuff does not happen in real life. It just doesn’t, certainly not to me either. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it will.
This has me a mess. I am better to post about being sexually frustrated than to stress about men. THAT IS WHY I STAY SINGLE DAMNIT!!! Now I now why. I read too much into things that are not there and I make myself a mess-
WELCOME TO MY INSANITY…

***UPDATE***
I tried to post the above post on Thursday, but blogger shut me down. So I feel like a teenager again and it truly stinks. I can’t get this grin off of my face. I swear I am going to kill my neighbor for doing this to me…I love it and hate it all at once. He and I spent 4 hours sitting in a hammock talking and kissing outside at the neighbors where she had a fire going out back at her house. It was a beautiful night.
Do I sound like a dork or what???
He sends me text messages at work that make me giggle.
He seems too good to be true-too smart for me.
What do I think I am I doing?
I cannot get this grin off of my face.
It is never going to happen. It never does. I better get ready for let down now- and get over it-but I am having fun…
BUT I CAN’T AT MY DAUGHTER’S EXPENSE ANYMORE DAMNIT.
It will all be okay though…he has too much bullshit and I have too much bullshit and all of our bullshit mixed together would NOT be a good thing, so eventually-he will not want to be anywhere near my bullshit because he has enough of his own.
But, man right now, if I just let things BE and not WORRY…
even though that is what I do best…
...I sure am having fun…

I'm just a girl...

2006-08-23T14:43:00.000-04:00

Met MC on the 18th of August. Don’t know what to think just yet, just nervous and very cautious. Was such a busy day with the wedding. Am too nervous now to know what I should really feel because I am just so excited that a boy likes me!!! It has been so damn long that I have even considered a boy liking me. I shut them all out I think. Then, I always like the guys I know I can never have for a reason. He is cute, really nice and super funny-and you know how I L-O-V-E someone or something funny. (He is a Mel Brooks fan!!!) We have a lot in common too…(Actually, I really have no idea about this. So far what we have talked about we have in common, and he could be a liar.) Well, except, that is, he is a HIGH SCHOOHL CHEMESTRY TEACHER!!!!! And I am…well, just, me. Crap, I didn’t even take chemistry in high school. I was too busy being a social whore…(I can hear the sharp intake of breaths-“No, not her!” ha ha) ...

So, do I like this guy or not?
Daughter really likes him too-That alone is CRAZY weird.
I am pretty damn busy with my daughter and whatever else it is I do…(what do I do???)
Do I want to date? (just saying that makes me laugh…it has been long)
OOOOO, DO I GET TO HAVE SEX??? I WANT TO DATE THEN…TONIGHT I WANT TO!!! (Just kidding)
What if he is a pervert like I always watch on Primetime? Won’t THAT just be MY luck?
See, damnit, I can’t date.
That is one of the reasons why. One of the others is because of my daughter. I chose to be a mom and I need to stick it out. Then, shit what the hell, I will be an un-wed woman over 40 so my chances of marrying a man are slim to none-but my chances of being blown up by a terrorist are higher…Unless I hook up with Star Jones, but I am not moving to the city.

Also, a big "Heller" to A & J out there if you guys are reading this... =)
"That's so FUNNY HAHAHAHA..." (insert obnoxious loud voice)

The last one kills just me...

2006-08-21T10:15:00.000-04:00

" The world is a dangerous place to live' not because of the people who are evil,
but because of people who don't do anything about it."
---- Albert Einstein

A Simple Thank You
Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home.
No, he responded.

Heading out I asked?
No. I'm escorting a soldier home.

Going to pick him up?
No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq. I'm taking him home to his family.

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days. I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said,
Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do. Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign." Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.

So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do. signed:
Stuart Margel -- Washington, D.C.

Also, here are two very touching photos honored at this years International Picture of the Year.

First Place

Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News When 2nd Lt. James Cathey's body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac. During the arrival of another Marine's casket last year at Denver International Airport, Major Steve Beck described the scene as so powerful: "See the people in the windows? They sat right there in the plane, watching those Marines. You gotta wonder what's going through their minds, knowing that they're on the plane that brought him home," he said. "They will remember being on that plane for the rest of their lives. They're going to remember bringing that Marine home. And they should."

Second Place
Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News The night before the burial of her husband's body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of 'Cat,' and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. "I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it," she said. "I think that's what he would have wanted."

"No arsenal, no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women."

-- Ronald Reagan

OUTRAGE.

2006-08-09T09:31:00.000-04:00

38 SENATORS VOTED TODAY AGAINST
MAKING ENGLISH THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE
OF AMERICA .
HERE THEY ARE.
Akaka (D-HI)
Bayh (D-IN)
Biden (D-DE)
Bingaman (D-NM)
Boxer (D-CA)
Cantwell (D-WA)
Clinton (D-NY)
Dayton (D-MN)
Dodd (D-CT)
Domenici (R-NM)
Durbin (D-IL)
Feingold (D-WI)
Feinstein (D-CA)
Harkin (D-IA)
Inouye (D-HI)
Jeffords (I-VT)
Kennedy (D-MA)
Kerry (D-MA)
Kohl (D-WI)
Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Leahy (D-VT)
Levin (D-MI)
Lieberman (D-CT)
Menendez (D-NJ)
Mikulski (D-MD)
Murray (D-WA)
Obama (D-IL)
Reed (D-RI)
Reid (D-NV)
Salazar (D-CO)
Sarbanes (D-MD)
Schumer (D-NY)
Stabenow (D-MI)
Wyden (D-OR)
REMEMBER THIS THE DAY YOU VOTE.

REALLY? Good or bad? I don't know...

2006-07-18T10:25:00.000-04:00

From Yahoo News...
3 arrested in New Orleans hospital deaths
RUKMINI CALLIMACHI, Associated Press Writer
A doctor and two nurses were arrested overnight in connection with patient deaths at a New Orleans hospital in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the Louisiana attorney general's office said Tuesday.
"We're not calling this euthanasia. We're not calling this mercy killings. This is second-degree murder," said Kris Wartelle, a spokeswoman for Attorney General Charles C. Foti.
The three were booked but not immediately charged with second-degree murder after their arrests late Monday, officials said.
Foti last fall subpoenaed more than 70 people in an investigation into rumors that medical personnel at Memorial Medical Center had euthanized patients who were in pain as they waited in miserable conditions in the days after the hurricane to be rescued.
Memorial had been cut off by flooding as the Aug. 29 hurricane swamped New Orleans. Power was out in the 317-bed hospital and the temperatures inside rose over 100 degrees as the staff tried to tend to patients who waited four days to be evacuated.
At least 34 patients died at Memorial during that time, 10 of them patients of the hospital's owner Dallas-based Tenet Healthcare Corp. and 24 patients in a facility run by LifeCare Holdings Inc., a separate company.
After the bodies were recovered, Orleans Parish coroner Frank Minyard said they were so decomposed the deaths could only be listed as "Katrina-related."Over the winter, Minyard confirmed that samples had been taken from dozens of patients who died at various hospitals and nursing homes to test for potentially lethal doses of drugs such as morphine.

Here is one for the ACLU to put in their pipe and smoke!

2006-06-30T11:37:00.000-04:00

THE LARK PROGRAM A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay. She received back the following reply:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen, Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mohamed (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are com menstruate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember. . We’ll be watching.

Good luck!
Cordially, your friend
Don Rumsfeld

Thanks for the email Dad~and When are you moving?

2006-06-06T09:54:00.000-04:00

To: former Floridians, current Floridians, future Floridians, and/or those who know a Floridian. We're entering the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorologicalpoints:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one."
Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1.
Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2.
Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3.
Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
So we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well built, and (2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an estimated 27 different homeowners insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.
There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself,they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
"Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida" you live in a low-lying area.) . The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights.
At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!) .
A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybodywho went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be iratealligators.)
A $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck and remember:
It's great living in paradise!

My oh my...

2006-06-02T10:36:00.000-04:00

Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After That Gay Cowboy Movie

1 "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"
2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."
4 "Howdy, pardner."
5. You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
6. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
7. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."
8. "Let's mount up!"
9. "Nice spread ya got there!"
10. "Ride'em cowboy!"

The newest one...(to me anyway) This is really good!!!!

2006-06-01T09:46:00.000-04:00

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.(I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note. These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moonor the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other ONE.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever POSSIBLE, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, NOT A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

YOU GO BOYS!!!!!

2006-05-11T12:43:00.000-04:00

***Stolen from Fox Sports...Who do you ask when you want to reproduce their material???***

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) - Hulking Jim Thome. Rugged Manny Ramirez. Brawny Adam Dunn. "The thought of these big macho men, swinging pink bats to help women with breast cancer ... what a novel idea," Louisville Slugger president John Hillerich said Tuesday.
Major League Baseball granted special permission for players to use the colorful bats - baby pink, at that - for Mother's Day. They're part of a weeklong program to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.
Baseball granted special permission for players to use the colorful bats for Mother's Day as part of a weeklong program to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. (Brian Bohannon / Associated Press)
Derek Jeter, David Eckstein and Marcus Giles are among dozens of players who intend to try them Sunday. This is the first time pink has been approved for bats - dyed at the Louisville Slugger factory, they're usually black, brown, reddish or white.
Kevin Mench was among several Texas players who wanted their mother's names burned on the bats. The Rangers slugger, who homered in seven straight games earlier this season, also planned to have a bat for his grandmother, who died from breast cancer.
"My mom is the glue of our family, and I just want to do something to thank her for all that she has done," Mench said before Tuesday night's game against Minnesota. "At the same time, we are raising money for a great cause."
Howard Smith, senior vice president for licensing for MLB, said the idea for the pink bats struck a chord with commissioner Bud Selig and other executives. The question was how many players would use the sticks.
"It takes a big man to swing a pink bat in a major league game," Smith said.
More than 400 bats were being made for 50-plus players. David Ortiz, Jim Edmonds, Mark Teixeira, Michael Young and Hank Blalock were also on the list.
The Louisville Slugger factory started making the bats last week. Players were still placing orders as of Tuesday, and bats will probably be made and shipped overnight until Thursday or Friday.
"The response has been phenomenal," Hillerich said.
The bats posed something of a logistical problem for Louisville Slugger. Each player uses a different model and size, so coloring, branding and shipping them for Sunday's game has been a challenge, company spokesman Dan Burgess said.
Along with the pink bats, players and all on-field personnel will wear pink wristbands and a pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness on their uniforms. The pink ribbon logo will appear on the bases and on commemorative home plates, and the lineups will be written on pink cards.
The bats, along with the home plates and lineup cards, will be autographed by the teams and will be auctioned off later with the proceeds going to the Breast Cancer Foundation.

I betcha the mamma's are so dang proud...

Signs...funny Thursday.

2006-05-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

REST ROOM SIGNS

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
Women's restroom Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia, VA.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. Men's Room Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war…-Hell, do both, GET MARRIED!
Women's restroom The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books New York, New York.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men's Restroom The House of Representatives Washington DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals Dewey's, Pheonix, AZ.

You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.

And my favorite, and most realistic one…
A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX

P.S. I have started keeping hand written journals again for the daughter. So if the house burns down she will have NOTHING! Why I am not putting it on here I will post about at a later date, but I won't be here as often is what I am getting at I guess...Just merely stating that to myself I suppose…

May First...

2006-05-01T14:22:00.000-04:00

Happy 98th Birthday Nana...I wish you were still here, there is so much I want to say and ask you yet...

Featured Quote (taken from Yahoo news...)
"Everyone's an immigrant here. The only real American is the Indian."
— Rene Ochart, doorman at Hotel Pierre in Manhattan

Can someone give that guy an Amen...AMEN!!!

Wishing I could live in the television...

2006-04-28T13:14:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite sayings when I make a mistake is ”I could f-up a one man parade”...I said that to the lady here at work yesterday. She then says to me, “That seems to be your special talent” Gee, and I thought I was just squeaking by un-noticed…oops, I guess not!

Who started Craigslist? (ha ha and do not say Craig) I just want to kiss that person who ever it is because of the hours of fun I am having at the people who posting this stuff on here! What a laugh fest!

Did anyone else notice that it was Chris O’Donnell on Grey's Anatomy last Sunday night as the vet??? 5/23/2006 Oh holy mother of all things lovely...what else can that woman do to me? I noticed it more on commercials and I am d-y-i-n-g here...he is SO pretty, and with that beard yum and a vet too...he is also SUPER dreamy. See, reality is just not like that. Thank the Lord for Shonda Rhimes and her wonderful mind and these beautiful people who play them for my enjoyment. Photo snagged from here…THANKS!!! I did not ask, so if I have to take it down, I will.

My fluff and b.s. and this movie comes out this weekend. People still deal with these losses everyday. I have to see this movie this weekend. I am going to cry my eyes out. To everyone who helped and to all of the victims, they ended up being a heroes to me-weather they wanted to be or not. I will never forget that day…really great site to visit too. I wonder how the actors did not cry everyday on the set.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Can you imagine...

2006-04-24T19:58:00.000-04:00

This is child abuse right?
This is an old email I found that cracked me up and before I deleted it forever and before it came around to me again in a year or two, I felt the need to put it up here and share...
Isn't he cute?
I wonder what he did?

***I know this is a joke...you can see that he isn't even holding on very well and the car is off of the road. I bet it was a cop that set up this picture! Good eye officer!***

ALSO...My sister and I want to know WHERE ARE THE HOT GUYS IN SKIMPY CLOTHES on Deal or no Deal? I am tired of the girls already, I am ready for the hot guys, bring 'em on already.

World's Saddest E-mail Ever

2006-04-23T10:41:00.000-04:00

Being that I am a vegetarian now…I can not even believe that I am putting this joke that my father sent me up here. Just goes to show you what a sick and twisted mind I must have...and I get it from my dad!!! =)

Sorry to whomever I offend today.

WTF IS THIS???

2006-04-21T06:25:00.000-04:00

Looks innocent right? kids hanging a flag...keep looking at pictures below and read this email my dad sent to me. UNBELIEVEABLE. I do not have a problem with immigrants, (See this post) I have a problem with people NOT being proud to be AMREICANS!

THE AMERICAN FLAG COMES SECOND By Michelle Malkin 3/29/2006
You will not see this heart-stopping photo on the front page of the NY Times or on the lead story of the major news networks. You should!!!

03/28 : Student protest in Whittier area students from Pioneer, California and Whittier high schools walked out of classes to protest the proposed federal immigration bill March 27, 2006. The protestors put up the Mexican flag over the American flag flying upside down at Montebello High. (Leo Jarzomb/Staff photo) -above photos

Meanwhile: Mexico Cheers Passage of Immigration Bill

Like I said: Welcome to reconquista.

The battle for our secure borders and immigration laws that actually mean something, however, hasn't even begun.

***ABOVE TAKEN FROM MICHELLE MALKIN'S SITE WHICH I RECIEVED IN AN EMAIL***

You want to fly your flag? Fly it like that IN your house. Oohhhh this pisses me off! Sure we are all proud of who we are and where we come from, America is a melting pot...but it is the USA! Good Lord how many times do I have to say it? IF you don't like it here...GO HOME! We are NOT stopping you!

I am done for today...

***UPDATE*** Someone left me a very important comment about me being an idiot. I made a BIG mistake! BUT I DID CORRECT MY MISTAKE! I try very hard not to be an idiot, but today got the better of me. I am sending out an apology to

Michelle Malkin for me being a dumb ass. So I have to go and post an apology on her site now and hope to God I don't get slammed by anyone else for me being a stupid ass today...and thanks again to anonymous for pointing out my mistake!

Priceless...

2006-04-20T12:30:00.000-04:00

If anyone watches as much television as I do, then you have seen the “Write you’re our master card commercial.” where you do just that and they will air it? Well, this is one from a long time ago…do I dare send it in? I can’t take credit though. I received it in an email. Priceless though right? Please excuse the pun.

Subject: Priceless

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order and spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

Okay, all together now...aawwwwww. But, truth be told, what woman is going to do that when her husband pukes in the hall? Maybe a newlywed...just maybe.

Alright then...here they are.

2006-04-19T12:44:00.000-04:00

My sister Nicole sent these guys to me because she knows how much I dig them...Hoops & Yoyo, go to Hallmarks site, free e-cards and yelling boards and they are too funny...they now are on my desk and sit in the vomit bucket that the hospital gave me. Too disgusting, I know...but I smile! They are right next to the empty candy tin that my good friend Liz from work gave me...it read "Medicine box, take one every hour as necessary." Well, I had almost all of that gone before I went in!

This one I took right before I left for the hospital. (Notice hole above belly button...from ring I had there.)

NASTY BLOODY PICTURES UNDER THIS ONE!!!!!

This one I had Mom take right when I got home. Ewwww! Belly button was still bleeding. Had surgery and stuck together with band-aids. Amazing.

These were taken a week after...I thought I took more when I was still purple from brusing, but I guess not. When I got home from the hospital, I then ended up with a cold...try coughing with little incisions. Not too fun. I had a high fever with this cold too and all I wanted to do was soak in a steaming hot bath-which I did a few times!

Sometimes I get a bit of pain from the incisions, but its nothing...how much of a baby am I? But I am back to 100%! Anyway, these are all of the pictures I took by myself! I wish I had photoshop. I would make myself look better! I tried to brighten them up a bit. Don't think it worked-looks over-processed. Belly button piercing-hole is still good. I tried it out the other day. =) I have to get a new one though. Old one broke and the other one I have is BIG and gawdy and catches on everything.

Sorry if anyone lost their cookies!

***It is pretty hard to get all of that sticky band-aid crap off yourself unless you use alcohol! Or so mom said. And I was NOT going to get any alcohol near my incisions!!! Just in case anyone was wondering what or why that crap was still on me a week later***

Here is my joke for Tuesday...

2006-04-18T12:39:00.000-04:00

And tomorrow...some nasty-ass gall bladder surgery pictures. Well, before and after pictures anyway...I just transferred them to the PC yesterday. Sent them to my dad and sister. Wowie! I can't wait to hear the comments I will be getting from them about how gross I am!!! Oh and the new spring hat on Beethoven! I will post that picture later too!

“Just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in…”

2006-04-13T09:56:00.000-04:00

If Chris Rock says bigger & blacker…can I say whiney-er and whiter? Plus, even more worry-some than ever!
Where are you? Hope all is well....I miss stalking your life ;)
Okay, so I got this from Nancy which made me feel all warm and fuzzy because I really did not think anyone would care if I fell off of the face of the earth besides maybe my family and my selfish self...Also, I have to give a shout out to cmhl or Ms. M… who asked me, “How did it go?” You’re a big “blog star"…I thought you forgot about me!!! I mean I have to face it, I have a blog where I sound off on my everyday mundane bullshit that means nothing to anyone but me because I am the one who laughs the loudest at my own jokes because I am the only one who really gets me. And I am cool with this-it has been this way for years now. But I love reading other blogs. They crack me up. They are all such great short stories. I guess lately I feel I don't have too much to say. Life has been keeping me so damn busy that I can hardly find time to do things that I want to do anymore. (Again with the selfishness-I know) I also am having health issues. New medicine is giving me a rough time...still not completely off of the other. The gall bladder came out on the 27th of March...um, yeah, I do not recommend that surgery to anyone...I mean I have never had surgery and it was not too bad-the worst was the pain medicine, Loratab. UGH! That crap makes you violently ill! I was better dealing with the pain than trying to not vomit. That stuff is just horrible stuff. My belly button used to be really cute! (At least I thought so!) I mean I had a cute gold ring with a tiny (cubic zirconia) diamond in the center where my belly button was pierced...now, I am all swollen still am bruised and the doctor sewed it shut! Everyone says that it will look normal again after the swelling goes away, but it has been a week! Pictures will be posted when I can-so fair warning of sheer disgusting! I mean in one of them my mom took the shot and I look HUGE still! The pump you full of gas like you are pregnant so they can see what they are doing inside and then you are stuck with it until it dissipates.
***Update*** I wrote that a week after I had it out. Belly button still pretty ugly. Doctor said to give it time…like six months. Lovely. I feel a lot better though…so if you have to have it done, it is not that bad. I take back what I said. Just don’t take the Loratab! Oh, and be careful if you have to cough…even though it feels like your insides are going to come squirting out-and you know better-they will not-but hold onto a pillow just in case. It made me feel much better. That was self-taught also-nobody told me that tip at the hospital! =(
Then there is the seven year old...Before the surgery (on the 22 to be exact) she and her friends decided that it would be fun for all of them if she rode the bus home with them to the Boys & Girls club after school without telling anyone. So, Mom calls me at work and says that my daughter is not on the bus and where is she??? I tell her April fools is a few weeks away yet and to cut it out because THAT is NOT too funny, she says she is NOT JOKING and I go into panic mode-almost seizure meltdown…I called the school, the secretary tells me that she will call the busing company, and puts me on hold, while the school was on the phone with the busing company, the Boys & Girls Club calls the schools and tells them that they have a stow away. The secretary switches over to me and tells me that she is not sure how or why, but my daughter is at they Boys and Girls club. Can you believe it??? I couldn’t either. I get there and I want to smack her and hug her…but I just cry. Long story short, they lady there tells me that two girls from her class con her into getting on their bus and going with them…I do not care for this nonsense because my daughter is SEVEN and I do believe she KNOWS better!!!!! Well, I thought she did. She does now! The whole school knew the next day and the one little girl’s mom had her apologize to the principal and write a very nice “I am sorry” letter to me. I will keep it FOREVER and give it to her kids if they ever do anything stupid! I have NO IDEA how people who have kids missing for more than 10 minutes like mine was handle themselves through such an ordeal…I lost control.
Funny old email I found that really fits the above story!
HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE KIDS:
MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.
Place a fishstick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks).
Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen barefoot. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.
GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. Begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.
PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.
PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple that already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Ahhhhh. So true.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…Any of you fellow bloggers out there have immigrant grandparents? I did-from Canada. They were very happy to be able to move here and eager to learn English and have a better life for themselves and their children. They got visas, they learned English, and they became Americans, NOT Canadian – Americans, AMERICANS…bottom line. A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N-S!!! If it was such a damn good place back in what ever the heck country you were in…fucking GO BACK THEN! I don’t have a problem with you being proud of who you are or where you are from, but if you live HERE get a job and pull your weight and be a good American damnit! We AMERICANS love it here.
Now here is a good e-mail from Dad…

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO

Dear President Bush:
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. Into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.
I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flagpole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my housetop, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. From Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.
Thank you so much for your kind help.

How many times have I said this line? HOW many more times am I going to say it?

2006-03-01T13:37:00.000-05:00

AND if you gave me a dollar for every time I said it that would be ALL I would EVER say again!!! My darling lost her second front tooth this morning. Now I can't call her snaggletooth anymore. It was fun for me anyway-I mean COME on, 26 hours of labor, I need to get some enjoyment for this experience too!!!!! ( I know I bitch about labor, but truth be told...I slept through most of it-WITHOUT any drugs! I have either a high pain tolerance or my big fat pregnant {all one hundred-ninety-one pounds of pregnant} ass was just too damn tired from being up all night while the doctors induced labor-they HAD to induce labor because I was 40 and a half weeks pregnant! She heard her father yelling all the time and was probably thinking it was better to stay inside-she thought I wouldn't mind I guess...and I didn't. But, I do believe it was a combination of being tired and and my high pain tolerance!)
So speaking of being up all night...Tonight is the night...I have to be up at 1:00 AM and stay up all night so I can have a seizure for the doctors...what a bunch of weenies they are...I will post more later from home since I will not be sleeping! =)

2006-02-28T09:19:00.000-05:00

How to treat a Woman:

Wine her.
Dine her.
Call her.
Hold her.
Surprise her.
Compliment her.
Smile at her.
Listen to her.
Laugh with her.
Cry with her.
Romance her.
Encourage her.
Believe in her.
Pray with her.
Pray for her.
Cuddle with her.
Shop with her.
Give her jewelry.
Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand.
Write love letters to her.
Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

How To Treat a Man:
Show up naked.
Bring Beer and chicken wings-or pizza.
Don't block the TV.

Wednesday night I have to stay up ALL NIGHT because I have an EEG (brain scan) test on Thursday morning at 6:45 am…I have to get up at 1:00 am…NO CAFFINE after 3:00am (are they kidding???) and no sleep. They want me to have a seizure so they can get it down on paper. Fucking idiots…what is going to happen is I will probably have one BEFORE I get there in the car with my mother. Murphy’s Law-and you all know how tight Murphy and I are!!!!! Man, what a ball THIS is going to be! I am going to catch up on all my blogs and go to blockbuster and rent some of the movies I have been wanting to see but can’t because of the small child, since I will be up all damn night…Maybe I will do hour by hour posting just to make sure I stay awake…I am tired just thinking about it now…maybe I will video tape the whole thing…I wonder if they will let me then I will do a video post! Hahahahaha!

My Favorite Email Joke Of All Time...(so far-in blue)

2006-02-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

Childrens books that didn’t make the cut…

1. You Are Different, and That’s Bad.
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegtables.
3.Dad’s New Wife Robert.
4. Fun Four Letter Words TO Know And Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I Can Do It Book
6. The Kids Guide To Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and The High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens CAN Fly
12. That’s It, I Am Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets A Casket
14. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have The Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were An Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. POP! Goes The Hamster-And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in The Moon is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like To Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
29. When It Rains, It is God Crying Over Something You Did

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?"Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve... we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know." said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would bea piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: “TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

What's next I ask you...

2006-02-25T12:08:00.000-05:00

So, the "all natural" gallbladder" remedy didn't work...I ate too much butter and had an attack. I still want to keep the damn thing though-NOOOO surgery!

BUT, to top off everything...MY SEIZURE MEDICATION IS NOT WORKING...So, I am now trying new meds and not driving. Seizures SUCK! I think it might be stress...and if it is...can you imagine what is going to happen to me when my kid is a teenager??? Say goodnight now.

Here are some funnies...

I don't care who you are-you have to laugh at this!!!

2006-02-21T08:49:00.000-05:00

A story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years.

2006-02-16T08:41:00.000-05:00

Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bullshit with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.

***Disclaimer-I wouldn't mind a woman president. Just Please Lord, DO NOT let it be Hilary.

My little one lost her first front tooth yesterday. She left a note for the toothfairy (spelled toothfiery) telling her thank-you and she loves her. AWWWWWW! I saved it along with the tooth.

ONLY two more months until tax day!!!!! (whew.)

2006-02-15T15:24:00.000-05:00

I got a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" from the neighbors...And yummy cookies...And a terrific card from my daughter. What did you all get? (I will grow boyfriend over the weekend and I am hoping that he is anatomically correct!!!-I will upload pictures!)

The best Valentine's Day poem I have seen in a long time. Thanks for the email Angie!!!

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITHTHE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

(1) Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
(2) I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
(3) Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.
(4) Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
(5) Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
(6) I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
(7) I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
-Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
(8) My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
(9) I see your face when ! I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
(10) My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
(11) My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".
(12) What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2006-02-14T09:19:00.000-05:00

Well, there is SO much going on in my life right now and NO DAMN time to post here! I will try to get my ass online tonight, but I am also glued to the TV for the Olympics.
So, here is my funny for Valentines. Happy, Happy everyone!

Let the GAMES begin...And I DO NOT mean the Olympics!

2006-02-10T09:21:00.000-05:00

I could have smacked the crap out of my child yesterday...but I made her go to her room instead. I hit her where she lives and isolated her from people, because my little "angel" is a social butterfly and I made her stay in and go to bed at 7:00...Here is what happened...

(She has a note book that she comes home with every Thursday, that has her sight words in it and she has to write 6 sentences, one for each word and then we go over her sight words and I sign and she takes it back to school.)

Me-“Daughter, go and get your homework so we can do it now.”
Daughter-“I did my homework on the bus.”
Me-“OH REALLY? Let ME see it.”
Daughter-“It’s done Mommy, really!”
Me-“ Let. Me. See. It, NOW.”
Daughter gives me her homework and first it is done in pen very sloppy, but the REAL kicker was that SOMEONE SIGNED MY DAMN NAME IN CURSIVE-AND MISSPELLED IT-WHERE IT SAYS PARENTS SIGNATURE! My daughter can’t write in cursive yet. So, she starts bawling because she knows I am mad. So mad that I can hear my blood pressure rising in my head, really!
Me-“WHAT.IS.THIS?!
Daughter- “I did it and Christian helped me.”
Me-“Are you supposed to do your homework on the bus?”
Daughter (sobbing)-“N-n-o-o.”
Me- (freaking out and saying this through clenched teeth)-“GO.TO.BED.”Then I made her get up and do it all over again later-while I wrote a note to the teacher. Fun filled night let me tell you. Ugh, and it is only going to get better, I KNOW! I hate the bus!!! (I have to blame someone or something right? I don't want to admit that any wrong doings might be MY fault...not THIS early!)

On to what I was thinking this morning watching Katie & Matt in Torino. This is one thing that I never did think of when people ask me what I would do if I ever won the lottery, I would go to the Olympics!!! How much fun would THAT be? I cry when I watch though, it makes me incredibly nervous, I cannot imagine how the athletes feel!
GO USA!!!!!

Have a great weekend everyone!

I have no title today.

2006-02-09T12:35:00.000-05:00

Thanks Dad, for this funny email yesterday!

I went and saw Brokeback Mountain…all I can say is WOW…that was WAY MORE than I expected!!! The beginning of the movie was weird at first. I was thinking, “HELLO…is anyone going to say anything???” But they jumped right in…and onto each other. I still dig Jake Gyllenhaal…or lust after his pretty ass. He is just so pretty to look at. Here is his Valentine’s Day card…I found it on-line. I have NO IDEA why I posted it, but I did. All together now, aaaaawwwwwwww.

My question of the day…Why is it that the phone call you are all day waiting for calls when you are in the bathroom? Every.Damn.Time.

There are things I want to post but now that I am on here, I am having a brain fart. I better start writing everything down...

Happy Thursday!

Just when I thought it was safe...

2006-02-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

Last night was a real turning point in my life. I always said I would never lie to my daughter. If she asked, I would tell the truth, about everything...Until she asked what she asked me last night. She is seven mind you...
Daughter-(out of the blue-)"Mom, where do babies come from?"
Me-(choking) "WHY do you want to know that?!" (I also hate when people answer a question with a question...But NOW I know why, so they can scramble for a better answer!)
Daughter-"I just want to know..."
Me..."Um, well...THE STORK!" (Thank GOD for the vlassic pickle jar!)
Daughter-"WHAT? The stork?"
Me-"Yes, The stork brings you your baby..."
Daughter-(staring at me...For a few seconds...Saying nothing...)
Me-(She bought it...THANK YOU GOD, Thank you Thank you, Thank you!!!!!)

How awful am I??? I was SO not ready for that question at 7 years old!!! I now wonder if I will ever be able to dig my ass out of THAT lie-or if she will EVER believe me when I tell her the truth...I am such an idiot! But, how do you tell a seven year old where babies come from??? That whole"When a man and a woman are in love..." Really it should be, "When mommy was drunk and stupid, I had sex with your dad and poof! Here you are!!!" She couldn't handle the truth. There are some days I can't handle it. Then that whole "Reality Sucks" is a post for a later day.

SSDD

2006-02-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

**Tried to uplaod a picutre here and blogger will not let me...I will try tonight from home!***

Well, the first snow day was yesterday. It was not much of a snow day-more like a windy day with some snow thrown in. Kind of cheesy, I guess they teachers just wanted a day off. (and who can blame them?)

The doctor's office called yesterday, n-o-t-h-i-n-g wrong...well I KNEW THAT! Did they just feel the need to scrape out my innards? Damn, man, I could have dealt without having that stress. But, I suppose better safe than sorry right? I have to have another pap on 6 months. I WILL not post anymore about it!
I REALLY need a new job. I have to start looking for one today-AFTER work!
daughter is well...she has her first loose front tooth. It is just hanging there. She won't pull it and won't let me pull it either. It is funny-and a bit gross- to see it just hanging there when she is talking. I need to get a picture of that!
Have not heard from Philip in weeks. Which is good, because he lives to make me crazy!
I was going to post something funny that I remembered, but I forgot. I guess I need to start writing things down, I have CRS.

The blame game...

2006-02-03T09:44:00.000-05:00

This morning, Daughter's teacher told me that daughter has been having “personal feelings” (Whatever that means) about her Grandma & Grandpa splitting up…(which as it looks now, they are not…) But her teacher said to me that maybe daughter might be a good candidate to go to the schools “banana splits” program, so she can cope with her feelings…Good Lord…I didn’t freak out when she told me this, I am freaked now. I will be getting literature from her on this…WHY did my child not talk to me about this?? That’s my question. This is another really good reason why I don’t date. I WILL not drag my kid through this nonsense! So, if I end up all alone when I am older, I will not care too much because I know that I did the BEST thing for my daughter…NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY PHIL!!!
You know they didn’t have any "coping" programs when I was a kid. We were just expected to deal with it, and we did. I DO NOT WANT MY KID TO BE A BLAMER! I want her to stand on her own two feet and take responsibility for her actions and herself, not to say, “Oh I didn’t have a dad and that is why I have problems.” I need her to be tough so she can stand on her own two feet and not let ANYONE bring her down!!! When she makes a mistake, I want her to pull herself up by her bootstraps, dust herself off and go on about her life. NOT to blame other people for her problems. I. HATE. THAT. People blaming everyone else for THEIR mistakes. Take responsibility people!!! It is YOUR fault you shot someone, NOT your moms fault, not your dads fault and not your “therapist” either. IT is your fault for pulling the trigger! I am done ranting now…
So, apparently it is not just me that doesn’t want Iran to have nuclear power. Just another thing along with bird flu and Teflon to worry about! Oh, here is a bit on Teflon…

DOVER, Del. - A chemical used in the manufacture of Teflon and other nonstick and stain-resistant products should be considered a "likely" carcinogen, according to an independent scientific review panel advising the Environmental Protection Agency
PFOA is a processing aid used in the manufacturing of fluoropolymers, which have a wide variety of product applications, including nonstick cookware. The chemical also can be a byproduct in the manufacturing of fluorotelomers used in surface protection products for applications such as stain-resistant textiles and grease-resistant food wrapping.

Just like my sister said...Its in everything...

Yum...Look at Seth...
So, did anyone watch Four Kings last night? HOW FUNNY IS THAT SHOW! I dig Seth Green…His character cracks me up…besides the fact that he is a redhead…that just makes him cuter to me!!! Photo stolen from NBC website…please don’t sue me!!!

DID I ALSO FORGET TO SAY GOOOOOO SEAHAWKS?
GO SEATTLE!!!!
If I had 50 bucks to bet…I would put my money on Seattle…I just really want them to win.

Happy Groundhogs Day!

2006-02-02T06:35:00.000-05:00

I just LOVE the guys named Phil...

Braces. I didn’t have to have braces because when I was younger, you could stick a slice of Wonder Bread between my two front teeth. Made it REALLY easy to floss. SO, needless to say, when the rest of my teeth came in, I had room for them in my big yap, and they are straight. My sister had braces-HATED them. But my point is, Maxine’s bottom teeth are coming in very crooked. I guess I had better start saving money for the orthodontist, because my insurance doesn’t cover orthodontist’s work. I was hoping that I could slide by with out her having to get them, but now I see that is not the case. I think I have blocked out her fathers teeth…I remember that they were pretty white, but they did overlap. I guess she got that from him. Poor kid. I have heard that they hurt. It is going to hurt my savings if I don’t start saving now!

I think my Mother is now staying with her husband…I think I am going crazy from her back and forth! It is getting to the point that I am going to sit her down and tell her like it is…Yeah right. I don’t have a hair on my ass to tell her off! Who am I kidding?

Dad sent this email to me. Why DO we have so much bureaucratic bullshit to go through to get things done??? Make me nuts. But I do love this country!

Have you noticed how Great Britain seems to be making a fool out of uslately?
Regarding the Russian submarine snarled in underwater cables a couple of weeks ago...By the time we cleared all the bureaucratic "B.S." and gotstarted, Great Britain had arrived, completed the rescue of the seven mentrapped in the submarine, and were cleaning up.
England's Prime Minister Blair made a national speech yesterday in which hemore or less said he didn't give a damn what color you were, what religionyou practiced, or how long you'd been in England... anyone stirring up trouble was OUT.... DEPORTED ... GONE!
We're having a hell of a time keeping men, women and children from crossing the borders illegally, we support them when they get here, and put people in jail for reporting them.
Within days of the terrorist attacks in England, Scotland Yard had accounted for every man involved. We're still looking for 9/11 terrorists, can't findBin Laden, and are now trying to get "permission" to search people who might have bombs.
While the rest of the world is dealing with major problems, we've got the whole damn Congress fighting over appointment of one Judge and whether or not the Atlanta Braves can keep their mascot.
We've become so politically correct we look like idiots to the rest of theworld.

Food For thought...

2006-02-01T09:37:00.000-05:00

I do not know how true this is-but my dad sent it to me and I felt I needed to put it up here…
Jesse Jackson might be a nice man, but he is an ACLU freak and always up to start a mini roit when some guy in PRISON wants his rights. Forget that I say...WHAT about the person he killed! But, never mind about him…
Cindy Sheehan, just last night got kicked out of the State of the Union address before it even started…WHO was the fool who let her in-in the first place? I agree that the soilders need to come home-but I am glad that the military is here fighting for this country I love so much and I DO NOT QUESTION WHAT THEY DO SO I CAN HAVE THIS FREEDOM! But, she gave up her son…I do not know the circumstances, it might be he was in a better place than he would have been with her and she made the best choice for her son and now she feels awful because he has died in Iraq. But giving up ANOTHER son? WHY??? She is just out there now I think. That is just MY opinion. But, you know what they say about opinions, that they are like assholes…so maybe I am an asshole, but you know what? I am WOMAN enough to admit it! = )
So with that said, read below...

The grinning idiot clinging to Jesse Jackson is Cindy Sheehan... the sob sister protesting the war at Bush's ranch, who lost her son in the war, the same son she gave up in her divorce when he was 7 years old. And by the way if you wonder why she has so much free time ... she is going through another divorce right now and guess what? She is giving up custody of another son. As Forest Gump once wisely proclaimed, "Stupid is as stupid does."

I'm Baaccckkkkkk.....

2006-01-31T09:17:00.000-05:00

I have been awol for awhile trying to get my life straight...my will in order and just all of the non-fun things a girl has to do when she is changing her life...or better yet, when her life is changing for her. So I took time off from blogging because I was so frigging busy. STILL am, I just have to get on here and catch up on all of my reading that I have missed!! That will take a while.

Prayers go out to Bob Woodruff. How crappy. I sure hope he and Doug Vogt pull through.

So, I had all these tests done and #1, they want my gall bladder…Well, I AM KEEPING IT! I did an all-natural cure. It worked! I will post the recipe here.
6oz of cold pressed olive oil
5oz of Classic Coke in a can
2tbsp lemon juice.
Put all in blender and drink right before bed.
In morning, drink 1 10oz bottle of Magnesium Citrate…and wait…
Um, Um, good I tell you. (Not really. It was gross, but it worked!)

I am so tired of worrying about these damn doctor appointments! I am canceling the one for the surgery today, and now I am waiting for the results from the colposcopy. Boy that was good fun! Have someone look at your insides with a microscope and then scrape a good chunk of your insides out. OW! Then they put some crap up inside of you to stop the bleeding. Then that burns. Then people ask me why I do not like going to the doctor. I was a sickly kid. I was in the doctors’ office a lot. I do not have anything against doctors…I just don’t like going! I mean they do not make it pleasurable! It’s not like you get a free movie while you wait! Just a “We will call you with the results.” So hurry up and wait, as my girlfriend Angie says. I. HATE. THAT. I will find out something by Valentines Day.

There is a picture on my Yahoo news (that I will NOT post here.) of Chinese guy holding a large dead dog and the caption says he will be serving dog...I can't even look at the shot, I just saw a thumbnail...come on people, really? I will never eat Chinese again. Dogs? How awful and nasty is that? I would NEVER eat my dog-or any dog for that matter! That is like that movie where the plane crashed and they were up there for so long and they ate the dead people to stay alive. I hope I am never in that situation, but let me tell you…I think I would starve.

Did I tell you all that I stopped eating meat? Well I did on the 5th of January. I feel good about it. I was with Mom and she was making my favorite lemon chicken and she kept saying, “Um, it smells soooo good-doesn’t it?” I did fine…then she made a pork roast a week later…my love of pork goes WAY back. But I didn’t cave! Read this book, Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser and you won’t eat meat anymore either! THEN, talk to Pam Anderson and you won’t be eating chicken anymore either! Anyway, I have made a conscious decision to stop eating meat. I will let my daughter decide for herself, but I am only buying meat if SHE wants it. She can get it at Grandma’s or when we go out. My sister is SO proud! Actually she is just telling me that everyone is going to blame her for me not eating it. But I know better. Now, I just need to find some vitamins to take.

P.S. A Big Thanks to Blake...I will let you know! I am also trying to still get my high school pic scanned for you to post here! ;)

Balls coming from everywhere! I can't juggle...

2006-01-21T09:28:00.000-05:00

I need a new place to live...
I am HAVE to find a better paying job...
My mom is leaving her husband and we are all going to live together...(thats pretty cool actually!)
More on all of this shit later...

Making me laugh-it is the best medicine ever...

2006-01-16T10:20:00.000-05:00

HAHAHA The sperm donor did it again! He didn't want to pay child support and brought a case to the court system to establish paternity...Haha...But, this poor girl is deciding to keep him in the child's life...(I am shaking my head...) I was so glad he decided to sign off custody of mine so she would have a better life...I went to the court page because I check to make sure he is still in Florida...this is what I saw...(well there was a lot more but this was the good stuff...) He is the respondent

CASE 2004-30842 IS CONSOLIDATED INTO THIS CASE
314.08+50/MO START 01102006
RESP IS THE FATHER
NO MED INS
RESP PAY 280.20 COSTS W/IN 1YR

I. LOVE. IT. As they say..."Revenge is a dish best served cold..." Ahhh, sweet revenge..."they" do themselves in if you are patient and wait..."They" referring to anyone who has done someone damage-and laughed. Anyone who tried to make someone feel like a piece of shit verbally and physically-and told him or her they were lucky to have them... My bruises have healed...I just hope my daughter will understand one day why I did this for us...that she says she doesn't care if she doesn't have a dad...but deep down, does she really care? Ohhh, I am not thinking of this now...

Do you ever wonder if a blog you are reading is of someone you you know or used to know? I sometimes do. I think I am going to post my blog on classmates.com...the little snip it they give you to post something that other classmates read...yeah, I am going to do that. See what really happens...
***Okay, I tried it and it will not let you because of offensive material...yup, mine IS offensive! Oh well...they want their money too don't they? It is NOT about connecting with old friends damn it...it is about give us our money and you can see what other people put up here...that's it…They are only concerned with the bottom line. Butt heads! =)***

Brokeback Mountain is a BIG favorite for the Golden Globes...I sure hope this town gets the damn movie!!! I have been waiting and waiting! I bet you they win tonight. My love...Jake Gylllleennnhhaaallllllll...oh-la-la.

I miss my grandparents. There are so many things I want to ask them now at my age. I wish I would have thought of these questions-and asked them when they were alive...People who keep talking about global warming need to come and talk to me here in Buffalo...IT IS FREEZING =) Plus, how do we even know if this is just one of earths normal cycles? WE. DO. NOT. As my dad puts it..."It isn't like the cave men went and wrote on the walls about how it was two degrees hotter than normal every year." That cracks me up. Good old dad-he never sugar coats anything. He just tells it like it is. Another one of my favorites is, "You are lucky you didn't marry Rusty-he was an asshole to you." I so needed to be reminded of that every now and then! Then what he doesn't says about the sperm donor is good too...never a "What the hell were you fucking thinking?!" Like everyone else says. He just shakes his head. That slight movement is enough; because I know...But I do NOT know what the hell I was thinking when it came to him!

Thanks for the jokes Dad...I will have more to post later...Not too much new.

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon :

"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

On a Septic Tank Truck:

"We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..."

Pizza Shop Slogan:

"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door

"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push"

At an Optometrist's Office :

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

Happy Friday...THE 13th!!!

2006-01-13T09:23:00.000-05:00

This says it all...I found out some disturbing news yesterday...I will post it later today. Happy Firday...The 13th!!! It is my sisters lucky day...the 13ths are lucky for her. But this year she has the flu-(NOT the bird kind thank heavens). So she is not feeling up to her big-sister self...Get better Colie...Disturbing news later...It is about the big "C"...for a hint to anyone...

**UPDATE**

So, the big C word is C-E-R-V-I-X…and maybe some cancerous cells…well already some PRE cancerous cells…what is killing me is:

I quit smoking
I am not having sex- (not by choice!)
I am eating healthy
I am taking my folic acid
Now WHY all of a sudden am I all screwed up???

It must be Murphy’s Law again…I think maybe I should start having sex again. But with WHO is the question…Anyhow…I am fine…I will be just fine…I will post about it later after my doctors appointment on January 27th. Oh, I also have an appointment with the surgeon on the January 24th to see when he is going to go up through my belly button and suck out my gal bladder. L-o-v-e-l-y. 36 is beginning to look like the year of the doctors for me. Ugh.

LOOK AT ME - LOOK AT ME!!!

2006-01-12T09:20:00.000-05:00

Today is a good day for a blog whore…I was on blogbrity yesterday seeing who is listed and I just happened to notice they have these cool buttons for you blog, well I kinda wanted one so I sent them this funny email…

Even if it is just because I wanna put the kick ass pink button on my blog!!!!
http://worrywoman.blogspot.com/
Shawn Mat...Mat... with TWO T's...HAHAHA-
Hey it was worth a shot right?
(I took off my full name here)

So then I get to thinking that I might not ever hear from these people because I am such a tiny fish in this big blog pond, so I sent them this email…

Oh my gosh, even better...make a button that says..."I am NOT on the list!"
I need THAT one! Pink & Black please!
Again, Take Care,
Shawn...

Funny right? ( I think so) So then this morning, I have this waiting for me in my inbox…

Congrats—you made the list:
http://blogebrity.com/thelist

Keep up the great work!

Kyle Bunch
Blogebrity

HOLY SHIT!!! So I am now PROUDLY displaying my blogbrity button! THANKS GUYS!!!Now on to more pressing issues instead of my "it is all about me" attitude today...

I really thought this was cool...can we put a camera in a mans brain to see if he really is just thinking about drinking and seeing something naked like Jeff Foxworthy says? Or how about one in a womans brain to see if she is thinking about shoe shopping, what her kid(s) are doing, where in the heck is her man & just what is he really doing, or what time is sex in the city on...(I am usually thinking about shoes and the kid!) I am sure they have done this test already. I must have missed it though because I was shoe shopping...

Creepy story for today...from Yahoo News...

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man 'mummified' the body of his 71-year-old mother when she died, stashing it away in the bedroom wardrobe three years ago and sealing it with silicone gel.
The grisly secret was kept until this week, when the landlord stumbled upon the "house of horrors" during a routine check of the rented property near the north Italian town of Aqui Terme.
He first found the body of the 35-year-old son, Mirko Sartori, who police said was killed while working on his car.
"He (Sartori) wrote a note: 'Mother forgive me'," the wife of the landlord, who asked not to be identified, told Reuters on Tuesday. "They went looking for the mother, and found her in the wardrobe."
Police suspect the son hid the body of his mother, Anna Pelloni, so that he could continue receiving her pension check of about 900 euros ($1,086) per month.
A preliminary autopsy placed the mother's death around the end of 2002. Her body was fairly well preserved inside the airtight cupboard.
"It was like she was mummified," said one police official, who asked not to be named.

His Momma is going to kick his ass in heaven...

Since it is jolly old Tax season...I will start off with the first set of IRS jokes...because I am losing my mind here under all od these 1099's & W-2's...

Dear IRS,
Enclosed is my 2004 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see
the pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for
a toilet seat. I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value
$1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election
Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them
one 1.5" Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays
$22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for your convenience.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer

Happy Friday EVE everyone!!!

Can you believe THIS?...

2006-01-11T10:10:00.000-05:00

Splits with Jennifer last January...Divorce final in October...Brad knocks up Angelina before ink is dry on divorce papers...I do not like him anymore...January's look like they are always quite busy for Mr. Pitt. This just confirms why I am single. Besides the fact that I am set in my ways!

"Yes, I'm pregnant," the magazine quoted Jolie as telling a charity aid worker Monday in the Dominican Republic, where she is filming "The Good Shepherd" with Matt Damon.
The report says the pregnancy was confirmed by representatives of both stars, but does not identify them by name.
The news comes one month after papers were filed to make Pitt the adoptive father of Jolie's two children. Jolie sought to change the names of the children to Zahara Jolie-Pitt and Maddox Jolie- Pitt.
Pitt accompanied Jolie to Ethiopia in July to pick up Zahara, now 1 year old. Jolie's son, now 4 years old, was adopted from Cambodia.
Pitt and actress Jennifer Aniston announced their separation last January, and Aniston filed for divorce in March, citing irreconcilable differences. The divorce became final in October.
Pitt, 42, has denied Jolie, 30, was behind the split.

I am expirencing technical difficulties...

2006-01-10T19:20:00.000-05:00

Here we go again...
I hated the black so I am just going to tweak the colors tomorrow!
PLEASE EXCUSE MY MESS!!!

2006-01-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

It is unseasonably warm here in Buffalo…BUT I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I just hate the mud that the dogs & kid track in the house and in the car! But it will wash. No snow what-so-ever. It looks like spring already. I didn’t even wear a coat today. But I do have on long underwear, a turtle neck, a sweater, a skirt with tights and my UGG boots. Because the higher ups here like it to be just above freezing at the office. Makes me crazy. I have a blanket under my desk that I cover up my lap with to stay warm too! They all make fun of me-but I am warm!

What is it about guys + dogs that = attractive? Has anyone done a study of that yet? There was a guy this morning I was on my way to work that was jogging with his 2 standard poodles…BIG poodles…one black, one white. The dogs were just as graceful as the male specimen was! It just made him even cuter with two girly dogs…I bet his wife/partner thinks so also, because I doubt that a single guy has standard poodles for himself. So with that said, here is my joke for Tuesday…(thanks Dad!)

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking…I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9.Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things, We both know who's boss here!!!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you ???

Can we all be connected by Blogs too?

2006-01-09T11:07:00.000-05:00

How cool is this? Are we all really linked to each other in 6 steps? I would like to study that myself-but I do not have any time! (I found this on my Yahoo news page)

The theory that everyone in the world is separated by at most five acquaintances was first proposed in a 1929 short story by the Hungarian writer Frigyes Karinthy. The story was called "Chains," and while the six degrees theory was a purely fictional conceit, the idea proved popular.

In 1967, psychologist Stanley Milgram tried to test the theory by sending several letters to random people in the Midwest. The letter featured the name, address, and occupation of a single person on the East Coast; participants were asked to forward the letters to the people who they thought were most likely to know the person. It took an average of five intermediaries to reach the target.
The experiment came into some scrutiny afterwards, but the results were published in Psychology Today and gave birth to the phrase "six degrees of separation." Playwright John Guare popularized the term with his play, which later became a film starring a then up-and-coming Will Smith. But get this -- the original 1967 experiment was repeated in 2001 with email, and the same results came back! Then there's that whole Kevin Bacon business....

Speaking of separation, I am still looking for my good friend Greg Nauser…if anyone out there in the blog-o-sphere knows him…direct him to my site PLEASE. I tried to keep in contact with him but he dropped the ball…so maybe that is a good reason to quit looking for him isn’t it? I doubt he wants to be found? Oh well, I doubt I would find him anyway-even though my sister doesn’t live to far away from him…they were friends too-Greg & my sister.

So, thinking of Greg and the whole thing I have with redheads- (Greg was my first redhead love.) my new favorite show is Four Kings…How funny was that? I was laughing my ass off. I hope it stays on! Seth Green-what a cutie!!!

Nothing else really new from this weekend. I hate this blog set up. Going to change it tonight maybe…playing Monopoly with the little one is too fun! Except she bought all the railroads and I was going broke!!! She is still a bit mouthy-but we are working on that…Miss dad. He is doing wonderful though, so I am happy. Getting airline tickets to Florida for the summer!!! Going to sweat my brains out on the beach for a whole week!!! Maybe take Max to Disney…

OH MY GOSH-too cute!

2006-01-05T06:32:00.000-05:00

This photo below of the Hippos came from cute overload...a MUST see site!

I am still looking for more kissy-kissy photos...happy post today I will post something nice if it kills me!

I will post a funny Maxine story later-I remembered from when she was 31/2...

This is NOT normal right? or does this happen a lot and theyare just telling us now?

2006-01-04T19:13:00.000-05:00

WTF? What is up with these two headed animals??? I can blame the mad cow on silly stuff-but how the hell did these animals get TWO HEADS instead of one? Brings on a WHOLE NEW meaning of "Two heads are better than one," does it not?

Tomorrow...kissie-kissie pics!

I sometimes hate Hyper-Text-Mark-Up Language!!!

2006-01-04T10:50:00.000-05:00

Goodness-trying to write HTML language is like getting pliers to pull out your own teeth! Thank the Lord for people like my dad who do this shit for a living!

Now I have to make a new banner-this one looks like crap with my lettering…when it was orange-it looked like Halloween…

Gotta get to work now.

Why do I even try to do this?

2006-01-03T20:18:00.000-05:00

I am just a little TOO busy fucking up my blog and trying to fix it to post anything...
Other than that...New Year so far has been GREAT!
Then~is this a great shot or what? My camera does that! It takes 2.5 pictures per second!
Now I am off to try to fix this!

Happy New Years Eve!!!!!

2005-12-31T08:35:00.000-05:00

Well, I am going to post my New Years Resolutions here just to see how bad I fail...

Be better to the babies and take them running with me... Be more of a fun mom than a mean one. I am a mean one a lot...But it is only because I feel I have to ...
I am NEVER eating chicken again! Just look at this poor sad infected bird! I can not imagine what will happen if the avian flu becomes airborne…(shudder)

I will try to lose 10 pounds from my ass…so it will look like this picture. But I don’t think it ever looked like that! Maybe when I was little…cool story if you click on the picture.

Be a better email buddy. Sometimes I fail miserably at emailing people back. They end up sending emails wondering if I am dead because I do not answer their emails. I will try harder!

STOP BITCHING ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS! Just be happy with what I have-which is a lot. Or as someone always said to me-Get glad in the pants you got mad in!

So far...as of New Years Eve, that is all I can think of...

Oh and try to put some more money away for either vacations to Florida with Max-or college~BOTH are important!!!!!

Not for Nothing...

2005-12-29T06:53:00.000-05:00

My Christmas was real nice...I should take a picture of her room...(gasp) every new and old toy...all.over.floor. That is my weekend project, organizing her room. More like TRYING to organize it.
I MISS MY DAD...waahhhh...

This is the coolest line on a blog that I have seen yet...the bed post thing...HAHAHA...it is Heathers cousin...and we ALL know Heather from Dooce , well this is her cousin George-pretty cool blog and he sounds like a fun guy...click pic to go to his site, and I stole this picture from him...SORRY!!!

Blatantly stolen from The Superficial. Please forgive me!

Now, from what I understand...this is my boyfriends girlfriend...mind you he does not KNOW that I want him to be my boyfriend, or that I exist for that matter-and I can't WAIT to see him kiss another man-(but that movie that is not out yet) but he makes me all warm inside when he smiles...and I love to say his name...Jake Gyllenhaalllllllll-it just rolls right off of my tounge-if I ever got my hands on him I would make him scream like a little girl who just opened up her new pony on Christmas morning. But this creep is his girlfriend. I have done some crappy parking in my time-but NEVER in a handicaped zone...I even feel bad when I use one in the public bathroom! So anyway, I do not like this girl for screwing my boyfriend...I mean, didn't anyone teach her to share??? But whatever-since he does not know me yet-I SUPPOSE it is alright...but when he and I meet-she is O-U-T out!
Well anyway-this is a really cool blog too...The Superficial-because you're ulgy...HAHAHA! So click on picture for full story!

Here is my funny for the day...

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why He wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his
collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

The NEW funny Christmas story...

2005-12-24T08:45:00.000-05:00

Can you just see these guys on Christmas morning? WHAT DID WE GET...WHAT DID WE GET!!!???

I found this yesterday…um…yes at the office-but I truly was NOT messing around!!! I swear!!!!! I lost all of my mascara and almost wet my pants. Realized then I HAD to post it here…This is the site…snopes…about urban legends. Really cool site! Read below and see why!

This article is true and was submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying,"Hang on Granny! Hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination and found the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot amber to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-TOO FUNNY!

I was in bed last night and Max comes & crawls into bed with me and asks me to tell her a story from when she was little-her favorite is the one where she was sick and I took her to the emergency room and she threw up all down the front of me and it was in my bra-rotten thrown up milk with corn in it…
I was trying to remember some stories when I remembered the day I went to pre school to get her and she was crying…when I saw her teacher, he told me she and a boy-(I think his name was Adain) were in time out-and she got into trouble while in time out because she frigging BIT THE KID! She was 4 at the time. When asked why, She told everyone she bit him because he told her too. I signed her out and in the car she was crying…I asked her WHY she would bite him and again she said she bit him because he told her to. I asked her to tell me EXACTLY what had transpired…She says to me “We were in time out for not being quite at story time and I said to him in time out it was his fault we were there and he said “Maxine, BITE ME!’ so I DID! And nobody believes me” It was right then in the car that I understood and I started CRACKING UP! I took her back in the school and told her teacher who in turn cracked up him self and said to Maxine, “Why didn’t you tell us that Maxine?” She says, “I DID! I TOLD YOU HE TOLD ME TO BITE HIM!” We all fell over laughing then had ANOTHER talking to her about not biting and why it is wrong, even if someone tells you too…
Then there is a story that theguyiloveinflorida told me a long time ago that my daughter likes to hear because it is so cute…theguyiloveinflorida, his son was getting over a cold and his nose was running, theguyiloveinflorida says to his son, “Mason, go and get some tissues” a few minutes later Mason appears with his sneakers and puts them on the coffee table in front of his dad…theguyiloveinflorida says, “Son, what are you doing with your shoes?” Mason says, “You told me to go and get two shoes, so here they are…TWO SHOES!” tissues-two shoes…it sounds the same and he was still sick and I think his ears could have been clogged. But is that cute too or what???

Merry Christmas Eve to all of you out there in Blogger world! I hope it is wonderful for all!!!

Happy Friday!!!

2005-12-23T06:48:00.000-05:00

I think this is so funny! If I could put it up at work I would-but I can't.

Then, I took this of my self last night...pretty nasty huh? I need photoshop for Christmas since
I now have my awsome camera!!!

I don't know what happened to me...I thought I used to be okay looking...now it is just sad...

here is my funny for the day...

(Correct use of the "F" word)

When is @#$% Acceptable?

There have been only twelve times in history when the "F" word was considered acceptable for use.They are as follows:

12. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are Sinking?" -- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

11. "What the @#$% was that?" -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

10. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -- Custer, 1877

9. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -- Einstein, 1938

8. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -- Picasso, 1926

7. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras, 126 BC

6. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -- Michelangelo, 1566

5. "Where the @#$% are we?" -- Amelia Earhart, 1937

4. "Scattered @#$%ing showers,my ass!" -- Noah, 4314 BC

3. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -- Bill Clinton, 1998

2. "What do you mean there is no @%#*ing key to my ankle bracelet?" -- Martha Stewart, 2005

and a drum roll please............!

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this@%#*^ing mad." -- Saddam Hussein, 2003

my mindless dribble...

2005-12-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

Okay here is my newest fav blog...Check it out! I will put it on my side bar now also.

MIND you I did find it on Greys Anatomy site-but it is good and I have read a lot of it-ALSO on the sidebar where it says all in the family...um, you will see snark spot. Yup people it IS JEN WEINER! You know-the author of In Her Shoes??? (I have yet to see the movie-but the book-I don't think they could have topped the book) All 3 of my readers will know that I LOVE here and her link has been on my sidebar since DAY ONE! I finished Goodnight Nobody. AWSOME BOOK!!! Desperately waiting Little Earthquakes now... from the library that is…I might just go and buy it-I have been waiting for a week –but I feel like if I do, I will be cheating on the library. Now what kind of example is that for my daughter?

By the way, just WHEN is the new Greys Anatomy coming on? Not Sunday I know because I looked! They have yet to tell me-or the public I should say. I guess the actors wanted off for Christmas too. Selfish, selfish people! Do they not understand that we have been waiting too long already and they will be breaking for summer soon enough! I want my show on!
I have two things yet to get and I will most likely have to do it on Christmas Eve, and at the mall no less. DAMN the luck right? Ugh. Oh and I have to finish a scarf for my stepsister too which I will do today on my lunch hour. THEN I still have to wrap everything…didn’t I just tell someone that I was done? Well, I LIED!

Oh and here is my joke for the day...you really need speakers for this one! I have seen this before but, too good to miss this again! Cleaver guys who did this!

Parental Advisory!

2005-12-21T19:52:00.000-05:00

Oh no! My dad sent this and I HAD to post it...Click on letter to see writing better!

December twenty-first, two thousand & five...LAST time I will ever think of it again...

2005-12-21T13:21:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Rusty…I hate you for being such a bastard to me-and you know DAMN GOOD AND WELL that you were the love of my life, but nothing mattered to you but you. I am sorry, but I hope you have a crappy birthday-asshole.
I just needed to get that out because first thing this morning, I remembered that not only was it the first day of winter-but also his birthday.

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
'Cause you know,
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me and you’ll never go
I'll stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore

***DISCLAIMER…He will NEVER read this so I am not worried that he would see it-and if he did-HE KNOWS I AM RIGHT!!!
But I kept on breathing, even thought I didn't think I could and if I made it through that-I can make it through almost anything.

Nickel Is Back!!!!! Nickelback-get it? Nevermind...

2005-12-20T10:02:00.000-05:00

I have to first send out a big "sorry and holy crap now what?" To all my friends in NYC and New Jersery today for this crazy mass transit strike. GOOD LUCK!

Well, I have a new favorite CD…not just 1 song, THE WHOLE DAMN THING! It has been Default’s “One Thing Remains” since October. As my favorite-always in the closest CD player, Nickelback has edged them out this Saturday! Nickelback’s “All The Right Reasons.” OH-MY-GOSH…you know how on Silver Side Up there was “Figured You Out” Here is a snip it from how damn sexy (to me) that song is…

"I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test

I like the white stains on your dress

I like your pants around your feet

And I like the dirt that's on your knees

And I like the way you still say please

While you're looking up at me

You're like my favorite damn disease"

Maybe it is because I have freckles, I don’t know. I just LOVE THAT SONG! I can sing the whole thing in my head right now and BANG OUT THE DRUMS ON MY DESK! (But I will not!) I love Daniel Adair, the drummer. (I will post pic of band later) oooohhhhh his drumming is kick ass! He is another drummer that plays his drums SO HARD that I can feel it in my chest when I am driving my car, and it is only blaring a little bit-but I can still feel the drums! I have liked these guys since I first heard the song “Leader of Men.” But I didn’t find out it was them until later-but I bought “Silver Side up” because I heard on the radio “How You Remind Me” and fell in love with that song, then ran out and bought the CD. and fell in love with them. My boyfriend listened to slow Jimmy Buffet/easy listining/ some pop, and when I popped in Nickelback, HE WAS FREAKING! But he got used to it! “Woke Up This Morning” was my favorite from that CD. Now, to my NEW favorite Nickelback song, it is #4 on “All The Right Reasons.” Here are the words…

Animals

I, I’m driving black on black

Just got my license back

I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track

I’ll ask polite if the devil needs a ride

Because the angel on my right ain’t hanging out with me tonight

I’m driving past your house while you were sneaking out I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run

Your mom don’t know that you were missing

She’d be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I’ve been kissing

Screamin’

No, we’re never gonna quit

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Just acting like we’re animals

No, no matter where we go

‘Cause everybody knows

We’re just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in

Get in, just get in

Check out the trouble we’re in

You’re beside me on the seat

Got your hand between my knees

And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze

It’s hard to steer when you’re breathing in my ear

But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears

By now, no doubt that we were heading south

I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth

‘Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch

It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch

I’m screamin’

No, we’re never gonna quit

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Just acting like we’re animals

No, no matter where we go

‘Cause everybody knows

We’re just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in

Get in, just get in

Look at the trouble we’re in

We were parked out by the tracks

We’re sitting in the back

And we just started getting busy

When she whispered

“What was that?”

The wind, I think ‘cause no one else knows where we are

And that was when she started screamin’

“That’s my dad outside the car!”

Oh please, the keys, they’re not in the ignition

Must have wound up on the floor while we were switching our positions

I guess they knew that she was missing

As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing

Screamin’

No, we’re never gonna quit

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Just acting like we’re animals

No, no matter where we go

‘Cause everybody knows

We’re just a couple animals

So come on baby, get in

We’re just a couple of animals

Get in, just get in

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Check out the trouble we’re in

Get in, just get in

Is this what I have to look forward to with my daughter? I am sure of it. But this is my favorite song so far on the CD! I listen to #4 first and then start back at #1. On the radio here they are over playing "Photograph" like they did with "Someday" from The Long Road. The whole damn CD is great! I run my ass of when I have it in-or actually, it has been too cold to run out, and I am awaiting Santa to bring me some YakTraxs form my sneakers-crap, for ALL OF MY SHOES! It is hard to run up here with all of the snow/ice on the road! So I just dance like a fool all around the house. I am making my daughter a little rocker-I am not sure if that is good or bad yet. I guess time will tell! Her favorite is still “Photograph.”

GO AND BUY IT PEOPLE!!! You WILL NOT be sorry! I promise!

Here is my daily funny...I really like this one! Yet should I be putting this joke on here TODAY of all days whilst I am putting up lyrics about fornication? I will go with a yes. Too cute of a joke to pass up today!

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house itseemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door Therefore, he took out a card and wrote:

"Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that hiscard had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message:

"Genesis3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Good Monday Giggles...

2005-12-19T13:13:00.000-05:00

I forgot that I had these saved in an email...I checked to make sure I didn't post these already and I do not believe that I did...if I did, just chalk it up to me being like one of the fools below here!!!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This condition you have... does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can 't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

*****Can I first get on my political soap box a second and just say to anyone out there listening that I DO NOT QUESTION the government or the CIA’s job and that they are protecting OUR COUNTRY so GET HOT with the taping of incoming/outgoing international phone calls! If you are not doing anything wrong…WHY ARE YOU WORRIED? If it can save innocent lives from being blown up again, I say tape away!*****

Some more CHRISTMAS cheer!

2005-12-17T09:16:00.000-05:00

I have always hated this crap. My sister and father used to drink it from the carton. It is to me what Phlegm would taste like if you added milk, sugar, and the cold of a refrigerator. YUCK!
*****THANKS MOLLIE! I can't spell...flem, phleghm...sounds the same damnit!!! = )*****

2005-12-16T07:50:00.000-05:00

Will update later...HAD to post pic with all of the ice/snow we are getting today!!! = )
***It is a bit later...

Okay, it might just be me, but I thought that this was a really neat article…I just thought that Rudolph was a movie from my childhood. I never knew where the story originated. But try link below and read the story of how The Red Nose Reindeer came to life! = )
I found this on Yahoo.

http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/rudolph.asp
Urban Legends Reference Pages © 1995-2005
by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson
This material may not be reproduced without permission.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER-
***I am just posting the link...NOT reproducing it!!!***

Funny for the day...
Subject: Fw: Worlds Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl
"Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, kept as many dogs as she wanted, drank beer, always had a clean house, never had to cook what she didn't want, had sex with whomever she pleased and farted whenever she wanted.
THE END

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

You would have to add to this fairy tale for me:
Have a child with an idiot, turn into the mother that could and wrap your entire life around raising this child, have said child who thinks YOU are the idiot, die alone farting, drinking and wondering how you could have done it differently...it is going to be lonely isn't it???

2005-12-15T09:42:00.000-05:00

GO VOTE PEOPLE PLEASE!!!!!
VOTE FOR GIGGLECHICK!!!!!

I really have nothing to complain about EVER again after my day Tuesday…Nothing really bad can happen anymore that I can’t look back and say, “Well, this one day, EVERYTHING went wrong for me, but now, I just laugh when I think I am having a bad day.” Seriously, next time I am complaining about my kid, I had better jus remember what a trooper she was to run around with me all night like that in a freezing car. It must have been the McNuggets! If she gets upset, I will buy her McDonalds and all will be right with the world. Seems that way when you are a kid does it not? I bet McDonalds has even made a commercial about it. Like the one where the little boy brings his dad for show-in-tell? Tear jerker of a commercial! I am done ranting now…

Quizno’s is up for sale!!! Any buyers??? I would if I had a million-billion-gazillion dollars and didn’t know what else to spend all of it on! I have not eaten there in a long time…maybe I will today! I like the commercials with the little guy, Bob. (what is it with me a commercials today huh? Too much teevee you think? MEE TOO!)

I know I have written about my sister and that she is on the high end of being a hypochondriac…well, this morning I HAD to call her and tell her I was sorry and that SHE WAS RIGHT! I am not too proud to admit when I am wrong. (Probably because I am wrong A LOT!) Dupont, makers of TEFLON…she used to tell me…”It’s in everything…they don’t even tell you, but it is there and it is giving us cancer.” I would think, okay, another crazy thought in my poor big sisters way-more-worried-than mine-mind. But, good grief Charlie Brown…SHE WAS RIGHT! I say a big BULLSHIT to this lady Stacey-the senior vice president…because they WOULD have litigated it if they really WERE right, but they are NOT! This shit is in my carpet, on my couches, in the air where they spray it on the cars at the car washes for a better-I don’t even know what! God only knows what else…it is like Nicole said…its in EVERYTHING-and they are not telling us.

DuPont officials, who did not admit legal liability as part of the agreement, said they did not deliberately withhold information from the government and settled with EPA only to avoid a long and costly court battle. The agency could have fined the company as much as $313 million. The highest penalty previously levied by the agency was $6.4 million in 1994 against Tennessee Gas Pipeline Co.
"The fact of the matter is we could have litigated this, and some of my staff thought we should do that because we did nothing wrong," said Stacey J. Mobley, DuPont's senior vice president and general counsel. "We decided to put this matter behind us and move on. We need guidance from the agency as to what do they want. . . . Right now, after this settlement, I couldn't tell you."

It is coldddd here! (Duh dumbass, you live in Buffalo right?) I just want more snow! Last year we went to this really kick ass place that I went to as a kid. It is a place to go sledding and it is called Chestnut Ridge. I will take photos this year! It is a park and when I was little, they had toboggan chutes that we went down since for Christmas we got a toboggan! They are not open anymore-I am guessing for liability reason and people are so sue happy these days. BUT, the hills are still there!!! And we got a huge blow up raft/inner tube at the sporting store and went FLYING down the hill. Too much fun. I would let Max go down by herself with her little saucer and she would FLY down the hill! A few times she fell off early and got run into, but she just got her sled, ran to the side and came up to go again! When she
would make a full run, I would have to run down the walk up section to meet her and either carry her back up or just help her to not fall back and slide back down the hill. GREAT exercise for me, up the hill, run down the hill, up the hill, run down the hill. So I was thinking of this place here and how much I love it here and I came up with a small list of what I miss about Florida…It ain't much!

I Miss…
#1-My Dad (again!)
#2-Florida Grapefruit & Oranges
#3-Sleeping with the windows open in the winter with the great ocean breeze

What I Don’t Miss
#1-The fear of running into the “sperm donor”
#2-The humidity
#3-Cockroaches!!! Or Palmetto bugs!!!
They are 3 to 4 INCH FLYING roaches-the nastiest things on the planet! Just like the ones on Fear Factor that hiss, these FLY AT YOU! UGH! Maybe that should be #1 because #1 and #3 both make me shake with fear AND gross me out!
That’s about it… My Dad and the fruit…I won’t even get started on how much I LOVE it up here! I had better get going now…

***REMINDER***
ONLY 10 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT!!!!!!! I am done! Let me just type that again. I AM D-O-N-E done!

Damn Murphy And His Laws Vol. II

2005-12-14T12:59:00.000-05:00

What happened to me yesterday is what stand up comics talk about. Thank goodness for my humor-or I would have maybe self-combusted! Here we go, I will break my day down for you all, it might seem silly at the beginning, but let me tell you…it just gets better and better near the end…

Up at 6:00am
6:05 coffee started. Max breakfast
6:35 Shower
6:57 Get myself and child ready for work/school
8:00 Out the door trying to get car started/de-iced
8:15 Drive small child to school
8:23 Walk child to door of school (because I am a freak and won’t let her go alone!)
8:27 Race back to car to go to work
SEEMS NORMAL ALREADY RIGHT? It is, it is actually going VERY WELL at this point…
8:27 put key in lock…won’t turn…pull out key…warm up lock with my gloved finger…almost get hit by crazy driving parent with a late child…
8:29 Put key in lock again and turn HARD…I bend the key…BUT DOOR OPENS! I can get in the car Good right? WRONG, oh so wrong. Key will not turn in ignition. I think no big deal, I will just use the cell and call my mom, SHIT! She went to Germany on vacation!!! I will try my step dad…(I AM EFFING FREEZING IN MY CAR) I call the step dad…NO EFFING ANSWER! I go into the school and ask for a hammer for my throbbing brain so I can do myself in PLEASE…(I never forget to say please…) janitor says he will be right back…
8:45 I now call work to say I will be late…no problem they say…I wait.
8:50 I have to stand up for the pledge.
8:56 Then, someone I know from moms neighborhood drives up with her child! I say, YOU ARE MY ANGEL! PLEASE drop me off at my moms? She told me no problem, she just needs to take the other two girls to school…
9:15 Neighbor drops me off at my moms place
9:20 I am looking for my spare key…MY MOM HAS IT IN GERMANY!!!
9:30 I get moms car un frozen and take her Volvo to work-she won’t need it
9:45 I am at the office. Message on desk to call one of my clients because the paperwork I sent to her-she says is wrong…(okay, she wanted to get a jump on this tax season, so she wanted her account totals from last year…I SENT HER ALL OF HER PAPERWORK…She just wanted the amounts…THEY WERE ON THERE BUT NO THAT IS NOT WHAT SHW WANTED. So, I had to baby her and just send her THE AMOUNTS…) Things all day were messed up, so I am not going there…
4:00 I get the child
4:15 I go through McDonalds…Put the window down and place my order. Max got the Chicken Mcnuggets kids meal. I ordered a fish sandwich…DO YOU THINK IT WAS RIGHT? No, I didn’t get what I ordered. I didn’t care at that point, because I now have a NEW ISSUE!
4:20 I am now sitting in McDonalds parking lot trying to make the window on my moms Volvo go back up! IT is stuck half way up…I think FUCK IT! I need a new key for my car!
4:25 I am off to West Herr Toyota…about 20-25 minutes away from me…I make Max sit in the front with me and I turn up the heat on full blast so we won’t be too cold.
4:40 Get to the dealership parts department…They look at key and tell me, “Yup, its bent.”I say, “Ummm” (BUT THINKING-No shit, aren’t you the fucking rocket scientist!”) “But we can make a new one from this.” I say, “Oh, Please, (and)Thank you.” (because NO MATTER WHAT I am polite and use my manners!)
4:50 I pay my bill and go…
5:15 Get to my car in front, mind you on the street (mind you here in Buffalo, you are NOT to park on the street after it snows because of the snow plows!) So I tell Max to wait, I am just goning to move my car to the school parking lot. But GUESS WHAT???
If you are guessing that the key didn’t work…YOU ARE RIGHT!!!!! CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT? I couldn’t make this shit up I tell you! So I call the dealership and say…
“HI, I was JUST there to get a key made…” HE FUCKING INTERUPTS ME AND SAYS, “Oops, doesn’t work does it?”
I say, “NO SIR IT DOES NOT!” “DO YOU HAVE THE KEY CODE?”
He says, “Yes, we do, I get to work on that right now.” I say, "Good, I am on my way BACK RIGHT NOW…THANK-YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (I am ALWAYS polite!)
5:20 BACK OUT TO TOYOTA DEALERSHIP…
5:42 I get back to parts department and some man is standing there bullshitting with the parts guy about hunting of ALL things. NOT PARTS OR CARS, hunting. He was just there to suck up the minutes I so desperately needed…I wait…
5:49 (Cause NOW I am pissed…) Man in front of counter…”I havn’t even gotten none of my Christmas shopping done”
Guy behind counter “I haven’t got anything for my wife yet.”
Man in front “Me either, but she says she don’t want nothin’.” -YES PEOPLE, HE ACTUALLY SAID SHE DON’T WANT NOTHIN’…speech wise, it made my ears hurt!
(Me…making eye contact with guy behind counter with sheer frustration in my eyes…)
I finally interrupt and say,
Me “Your wife is lying…she really DOES want something…even if it is small, at least it will be something to open from you.”
This guy just STARES at me…I am thinking oh dude, PLEASE FUCK WITH ME, PLEASE!!!!! I need an asshole like you to just RIP INTO!
Guy behind counter “You are here for the key right?”
Me “YES I am…”
Guy hands me key without bill…
I ask, “How much?”
He says “No Charge.”
Being the polite person I am I say, Thank you…and stare back at asshole who is still staring at me…”MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!”
5:55 LEAVE STORE and do not get arrested for homicide
6:20 Back at car…KEY WORKS! I put my car in parking lot of school and take moms car to wrap up window-because the damn thing still will not go up.
Walk home with child.From there on the whole evening was blissful…

Can you believe my day????? Tuesday was my usual Monday.
I can’t even tell you how many times I said the serenity prayer…I said it a few times through clenched teeth too. I KNOW God was having a good laugh too-he HAD to be!

Joke of the day…THANKS DAD! I do not think that the rednecks will vote for a woman president…as I am all for a woman pres…JUST NOT HILIARY! She already HAD HER TURN THERE!

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in upstate New York to talkabout the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
1 ... Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
2 ... Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
3 ... Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says,"OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have 5 questions:
1 ... “Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?”
2 ... “Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?”
3 ... “Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”
4… ”Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?”
5 ... “And what happened to Kenneth?"

White Christmas-KISS MY ASS!

2005-12-12T11:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to you MOM!!!

I HATE THE SNOW TODAY!!!!!
I broke off my windshield wiper…I am PISSED! It is snowing and the sun is out…should I look for the rainbow???
I am ALSO pissed about this Tookie Williams on-going bullshit. KILL HIM ALREADY!!! If Arnold gives him a stay of execution…it is only because he doesn’t want to piss off his actor friends AND NOTHING ELSE! We KNOW he is guilty! He NEVER EVEN apologized to the families for murdering their loved ones. (Sigh) Alright, I am off of the soapbox now.

Funny email joke from Dad…HAHAHAHAHA I LOVE this joke!

Subject: Guts or Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you reallyknow the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

Oh and I talked to the guyiloveinflorida. <---Rember this entry?? He told me I had no life anymore, that I was boring, not going anywhere or doing anything except reading and being a mom. He told me to take a chance and get out there and try again or I was going to end up old and alone and even my daughter won’t want to be around me. Gee, I can’t WAIT TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN! Even if he is right…I don’t talk to him enough, you’d think he could blow some sunshine up my ass or something right??? Oh well, I get all giggly when we talk and I can’t stop smiling. Oh well, HE is my entertainment…I just don’t hear form him often enough! I should have told him that. Maybe in 6 months or so…when I hear from him again. Lets hope so. Even if it is for entertainment purposes only-MY ENTERTAINMENT! HAHAHA. A bit selfish aren't I?

I don’t feel my age. Not that I should be broken down because I am only 36. Mentally I don’t feel my age either…I wonder, am I supposed to? Let me explain, these teenage girls came into the office to put a flyer in the window, and they said madam … were they thinking I look old? DO I LOOK OLD? I still get carded once in a while, but I think that the store clerks are just being nice. I used to do that too, but people got mad at me when I did it at 16! But me looking old, that is scaring the crap out of me…I doubt that I would ever have plastic surgery, but maybe it might be an option when I am 60 or so. Goodness, if I even live that long!!!!! (If I am done paying for Max’s college by then! HAHAHA I will try, but I can’t afford ALL of it.)

So the stepbrother left town today. We did the whole present thing on Saturday night. Yeah, whatever, I spent WAY TOO much money on them…They did get Maxine Cranium…THAT’S GONNA BE FUN! I dig board games! I really like the stepbrother…I am not so fond of the wife. She is needy-and that is ALL I AM GOING TO SAY. Except that I hope he doesn’t end up sorry he married her. I really don’t fit in here…I think that people are only nice to me because I am related to my stepbrother and stepsister. They are big shots here in town-they are really good people-don’t get me wrong, I just look like the sad screwed up relative-with a child and no man…But at least I am happy and my baby is happy…I just try to read into things and I should stop, nut I have been this way F-O-R-E-V-E-R, so I doubt it will stop anytime soon.

I have this!!!
Poor-man's Security System
How To Install a Poor-man's Security System:
Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots a really big pair.
Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.
Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.
Leave a note on your front door that says something like:
"Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in a hour.
Don't disturb the pitbulls; they've just been de-wormed."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Question Of The Day…You know the old saying, “There are NO stupid questions?” Well, I can prove that there is THIS one!
Who will update this blog when I am dead???

Sorry Erin, I should have done it sooner...! But I don't think a lot of people are here like on yours...WORTH A SHOT!

2005-12-09T14:03:00.000-05:00

She is my inspiration!!!!!
GO!
GO NOW AND VOTE FOR GIGGLECHICK!!!!!
I am!!!
She has THE BEST designs!!!!!
I WILL resort to begging...
PLEASE....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!
No, but really, she does have THE best designs and if I was not the same age as Erin, I would want to be her when I grew up!!!!!
So go and vote damnit!!!!!

"You'll Put Your Eye Out Kid..."

2005-12-08T16:12:00.000-05:00

I just love that movie...A Christmas Story...A classic...I want a leg lamp...

I just felt like sharing that I have nightmares about this...The one where you are flying through the air and you are falling to sudden death and then BAM! You jerk yourself awake. I HATE those.

Busy day, I am sick, I am going to go to bed SOON!

My pockets are empty...and she wants MORE crap...

2005-12-07T15:38:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite Christmas song, if it can even be considered a Christmas song. I am not sure why but it makes me sad now a days. Oh well.

Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried
We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totaled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw
Doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record store
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another 'auld lang syne'
The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain

I have been so darn busy with all of the Christmas shopping and such…My step dads family is coming in from out of town, so a lot more thought goes into gift giving this year. Not a lot for gift card mailing…that really is a lot easier I tell you! The step brother and new wife are a whole other story when I have more time…The “Perfect” stepsister sent out the most perfect Christmas card with a picture of their son on the front. I mean you look at the photo and think…holy moly, how could things ever be bad there? But I know better…I wonder if she still likes the bike. (See this entry)
For Christmas, we got her a thing that looks like a red tent that you hook to the bike and drag you kids on behind you. I think it is cool, and I have seen them around here, but with my luck, it would break off and my kid would have went flying down a hill without me-but that is just what I think. I am going to get one of those tandem things you can hook a bike on top your existing bike…it looks cool. But my kid would want to ride her own bike and not with me-I can see that happening if I get it. SO I am sure I wont!
I am really sick right now. WICKED sore throat and fever. I need to get to the doctor for some antibiotics…but I am too busy! I bet my keyboard is just crawling with germs…ewww. I will clean it soon. AFTER I get some antibiotics! HA HA HA!

MM's Christmas play was today…it was so cute! I ended up standing up in the back because #1-I do not fit in here in this town, #2-I had the SUPER lens on the new birthday/Christmas camera…DID YOU ALL SEE THIS YET? (click here if not) and #3-I just don’t fit in here…It is like on Sesame Street…(play music) “Which one of these things is NOT like the other…” That would be ME! The single, poor, unmarried mother! I am pretty sure that a lot of the bullshit I am talking about is all just me being ridiculous, but I am not sure, so I keep on worrying about it. It feels really good to get it all out on here though!

OH and my stupid show is on tonight…Lost. Let me tell you how “Lost” I really am. SAME thing with “Grey’s Anatomy.” WHY are Derek and Meredith NOT TO GETHER??? I liked it a lot better with all of the sexual tension that they had going on! Oh well, they keep me watching to see if it will happen again, so WHO IS THE FOOL? If you answered YOU…YOU are CORRECT!

I was reading some b.s. About the Titanic yesterday that they think it sunk faster that previously thought…here is what the guy who originally found it had to say…(this is great!)

"The breakup and sinking of the Titanic has never been accurately depicted," said Parks Stephenson, a Titanic historian who took part in Monday's conference.
The 46,000-ton ocean liner was billed as "practically unsinkable" by the publicity magazines of the period. But it struck an iceberg on its maiden voyage just before midnight on April 14, 1912, and sank the following day. About 1,500 people died.
Explorer Robert Ballard found the bulk of the wreck in 1985, at a depth of 13,000 feet and about 380 miles southeast of Newfoundland. Ballard was not impressed with the expedition's find.
"They found a fragment, big deal," he said. "Am I surprised? No. When you go down there, there's stuff all over the place. It hit an iceberg and it sank. Get over it."
HA HA HA! How correct is he? I agree.

Then there is this…I found it a while ago and forgot to put it up here…it would take 88.88 cups of brewed coffee to kill me…I doubt that because I KNOW that I have had more than that around tax season!

THEN…I was being a Yahoo/Google whore and looking to see if I could find myself on-line…guess what…I DON’T exist on there! I am not sure if that is good or bad yet. But here are two of the top contenders! First…Second…

THEN there is what I was writing about the other day about the kid…Mine and another girl on the bus wrote on the seat. Well, I DO NOT BELIEVE mine did it because of what the neighbor girl said. But then again, I don’t want to think she would EVEN THINK of doing what she might have done. The seat in front of her was written on and it reads, “Maxine is gay” L-O-V-E-L-Y huh??? It also says “Emily is…?” No one can read the rest. It doesn’t look like Maxine’s writing and she doesn’t have markers and she can’t spell G-A-Y by herself. MIND you, know meanings to the word! I can sing, “I feel pretty…” so she might know it means happy, but I doubt it. Now, the second grader knows what it means in the BAD sense AND said to her mom…”Maxine asked to borrow a marker to do her homework before school…” Maxine does her homework in PENCIL-and she does it at home-not on the bus…THEN the second grader admitted to writing, “is” but she told her mom THAT WAS THE ONLY WORD SHE WROTE! I usually know when my kid is lying, I swear she was telling me the truth when she said she didn’t do it. That is besides the fact that I don’t want to believe that she did it. The neighbor is known to lie-her momma told me that! I really wish that they had cameras on the bus!!! So, that is why I was so pissed…I am now just ignoring it all and she is NOT allowed to ride the bus in the morning. 45 minutes on the bus UN attended is WAY too long when we live 5 minutes from school…so now I drive her. So there is the story…
I am now going to go home and feed the kid then soak in a HOT tub and crawl into bed with the little one…nighty-night everyone…

I MISS BLAKE!!! = (

Come on already!

2005-11-29T19:41:00.000-05:00

Well, my kid is being accused of doing something she didn't on the bus...Already the bullshit begins.
I have to go now and pull out my hair and cry-because it is just gonna get worse...

2005-11-24T07:58:00.000-05:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
But then to me, it is a double happy day…
HAPPY 36th BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!
I can’t belive I made it this far…if I was like my daughter is-so my mom says- I can’t believe she let me live.
The only thing I miss about being younger is that I have no presents to open. I love persents. Am I selfish or what? It could be from the dollar store, I don’t care, just stuff to open. I miss that.
Well, I have been pretty damn busy lately. Bunch of medical tests to tell me everything looks okay…yet I am still a mess. Life is SO MUCH FUN when you grow up. Everything is falling apart! HAHAHA

Did you all know that I am in Buffalo? This is what it will be like here later today...I LOVE THE SNOW!!! We should be getting lots of it and if we do not, I will most likely be the only one who will ne mad.

I think this is too cool. No wonder my neck is so sore in the morning, LOOK at all of the frigging muscles in it! I hope this exibit is coming my way. I will definitely go.

Oh, it’s not like we all didn’t see this coming…it isn't like they were Brad & Jen though. My sister told me that she heard somewhere that Jessica Simpson had a genius IQ. I DO NOT BELIEVE IT! She is now going to try on her newly freed virginity on for size. If she hasn't already! Oh well. Who gets that kick arse house? Also, WHY do it on Thansgiving?
It will be a holiday forever that they will remember as shitty I think.

This is from dad...who hates the snow by the way and is going back to Florida...does THAT suck or what? Here is this funny from dad...I love this and it is so true

Thank You
My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken thetime and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue onenvelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I needto seal an envelope. Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could bepricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial anumber for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since Inow have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time).I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once
I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. (PDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

PEOPLE...PLEASE STOP WITH ALL OF THOSE CHAIN EMAIL ALREADY! I HATE THEM TOO!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

A few questions...

2005-11-15T06:20:00.000-05:00

Q. WHY do they want to take God off of our money?

Q. Why is it when you have to fast for a medical test, you have NEVER been so hungy in you life?

Q. WHY am I sending these questions out?

the rest later...

Happy Veterens Day!!!!!

2005-11-11T15:51:00.000-05:00

I do not question the freedom I have...I am HAPPY for the men & women that are fighting for me so I/we can keep it.
So to that I will post this...
WHAT SENATOR JOHN GLENN SAID
Things that make you think a little:
There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq in January.In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in themonth of January. That's just one American city, about as deadly as the entire war-torn country of Iraq.
When some claim that President Bush shouldn'thave started this war, state the following:
a. FDR led us into World War II.
b. Germany never attacked us ; Japan did.
From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost ...an average of 112,500 per year.
c. Truman finished that war and started one in Korea. North Korea never attacked us.
From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost .an average of 18,334 per year.
d John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962.Vietnam never attacked us .
e. Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire.
From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost ...an average of 5,800 per year.
f. Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent. Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.
g. In the years since terrorists attacked us , President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippledal-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya , Iran , and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.
The Democrats are complainingabout how long the war is taking. But It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.
We've been looking for evidence for chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.
It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick
It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida !!!! Our Commander-In-Chief is doing his job! The Military morale is high! The biased media hopes we are too ignorant to realize the facts
But Wait . there's more!
JOHN GLENN (ON THE SENATE FLOOR)Mon, 26 Jan 2004 11:13
Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaumis worth reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services do what they do for a living.
This IS a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of the military.
Senator Metzenbaum (speaking to Senator Glenn): "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?"
Senator Glenn (D-Ohio):"I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program. It wasn't my checkbook, Howard; it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank."
"I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day... to a veteran's hospital and look those men . With their mangled bodies .. in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job!
You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and Orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee...and you look those kids in the eye and tell themthat their DADS didn't hold a job.
You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery , where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch those waving flags. You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job? What about you?"

For those who don't remember ..During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA. Now he's a Senator! If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.

Lost youth-oops I mean LOST and YOUTH...

2005-11-10T06:13:00.000-05:00

I was watching television last night and Lost was on. This show is so completely screwing me up! NOW, they are telling us about the back half of the plane that crashed…and didn’t they already check the island for other survivors in the beginning? I could swear that they did. Now Shannon died. Good Lord, I am now LOST form this show…hence the name. I think that is what they really mean by the shows title. “How LOST can we get the viewers?” Well, it has worked on me…and where the hell is Walt?
On to what I meant to write in the first place…commercial for xbox 360. Has anyone seen it yet? It made me think of things I miss now that I am older, but then I also got to thinking of things I love about being a grown up…
I miss from childhood…
-water balloons (see xbox 360 commercial)
-hide and go seek
-marco polo
-playing glow-in-the-dark Frisbee at night
-birthdays-I still love them but they were more fun when I was younger
Things I dig about being an adult…
-SHOES! All shoes, I am a sucker for ALL shoes
-sex
-no bedtime-I can stay up all night if I want
-driving…

More of these later…I have to get the little one ready and get to work…

Are you an elephant or an ass?

2005-11-08T06:27:00.000-05:00

As for the question above...I am a sitting duck like the rest of the middle class Americans...
Now that it is election day, there is so much "shit" being slung around up here . I am not a firm believer in either party anymore since they both lie so damn much...but I am big on posting their faults...This is interesting. Thanks for the email Dad.
Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised:
1.) That participation in the Program would be completely voluntary,
2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual incomes into the Program,
3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year,
4.) That the money the participants put into the independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and,
5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income.Since many of us have paid into FICAfor years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to "put away," you may be interested in the following:--------------------
Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent "Trust" fund and put it into the General fund so that Congress could spend it?
A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically controlled House and Senate.--------------------
Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?
A: The Democratic Party.--------------------
Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities?A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie-breaking" deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the U.S.-------
Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants? AND MY FAVORITE:
A: That's right! Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party. Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it!-------------------
Then, after doing all this lying and thieving and violation of the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!And the worst part about it is, uninformed citizens believe it! If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve. Maybe not, some Democrats are awfully sure of what isn't so. But it's worth a try. How many people can YOU send this to? Actions speak louder than bumper stickers. Please forward this E-mail to others so that they can be informed of the truth.

Bloody Mondays...

2005-11-07T18:09:00.000-05:00

EVERY Monday I bitch about something or other...and because of Scotty Gee not today. Today I will just keep it to myself and be a bit of a blog whore and comment to all of my favorite blogger friends... Oh and now I am gonna tell you a little story that I told my blog friend. So, this girl, I am sure you all know her…she asked a question about most embarrassing moments and I couldn’t help but tell my story. So now for some weird reason…I am going to share it with you all…

AND DAD...TRUST ME…YOU DO NOT REALLY WANT TO READ ANYMORE OF THIS STORY…AND IF YOU DO…I will tell you now in case you ask…yes, it was the guy you called the “little bow legged mother fucker” to mom…

Well, my boyfriend and I went to see his dad who was staying in Gainesville, FL with a good friend of his…they went out for something and his house was really neat. He had one wall that was a BIG mirror with a really cool frame. The boyfriend and I were sitting there in front of the mirror and he thought it would be cool if he could watch me give him a blowjob…so I did and it was funny to watch and he had the bright idea to go in the bathroom and get it on real quick…so AGAIN I agreed to this and he had me bent over the toilet in A STRANGERS house and don’t you know the guy comes home and STRAIGHT FOR THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!! I was NEVER more embarrassed in my whole life. The guy opens the door and sees us and says, “Oh, excuse me…” real uncomfortable like and closes the door. I looked at boyfriend who was laughing and said “GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!!” Boyfriend says “Be cool, its alright.” I was shaking and ends up we had to have dinner with the whole family. I could only look at my food all night. I kept thinking this man would always remember me getting hammered “doggie style” over his toilet. So we were leaving and everyone was saying goodbye and the guy ruffled the top of my head and said, “It’s okay.” And gave me a hug. Now I thought that everyone at the table knew of my disaster and a few years later we (the boyfriend and I) were in Sarasota, FL at his dads place and his dad mentions this guys name…boyfriend says to me, (insert laughter) “I bet he remembers you!” I said (insert shock) “SHUT UP!” Father says, “What, do you not like him, he is a really good guy.” Boyfriend says, “Dad, didn’t he tell you what happened when we were in Gainesville last time?” I again say, “SHUT UP!” Dad says, “NO, tell me what happened.” So boyfriend tells WHOLE damn story and makes it look like I WAS THE ONE WHO STARTED IT ALL! So it was a LONG-standing joke between us and still is…who was the one who actually initiated the blowjob…
So there is mine…I think I win…HA HA HA HA

I can’t believe I posted that…if CR knew…he’d be proud. He was a player. He and I always had fun together. I learned A LOT about life from him. Plus, he was ALWAYS GOOD for a booty call! I wish he was around now to help me with my frustrated-ness.

Here are some funnies for today

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class,"And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said,"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake the barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

Tired, tired, tired...and a bit selfish latley.

2005-11-04T16:08:00.000-05:00

I will get back to my post from the other day...tomorrow. This is all I have for today before I am off to do some more "Mommy" things...
But let me just say that I SO miss having a man in my life. So he could help me find out who the hell I am again. Not just Max's mom. Does that sound selfish? Shallow? Needy? Yes, it is needy...I am needy for a man, again. I am not up for the single scene though. Everyone is married around here and I have no way to meet any. But I am so busy trying to live and keep all of the crap that I am juggling in place.
I want someone to tell me everything is alright. That I will get over this stage, is is just a normal process of life. Someone that I can take off the game face for. Someone who knows me AND REMEMBERS WHO THE HELL I AM!!!!! It's not like I am a freak or anything...I am a freak in a good way. I am funny. I am smart. I am not to bad to look at either...at least I don't think I am! photo is posted on flickr account...Oh I am done bitching! Maybe I should start drinking. If I was drunk, maybe I would forget that I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself. I know I don't need a man in my life...I just think...oh forget it. I AM CRAZY and selfish.

Too many things...

2005-11-03T05:23:00.000-05:00

I miss who I used to be and I can't find that person anymore. The person I was before my daughter. But then again, I am not so sure I liked that person much. More on this later...I have to get for work.

As the candy disapears...

2005-11-01T06:28:00.000-05:00

This was last night...as the sugar high was wearing off...

More on this later...

Betty darn Crocker I am NOT!

2005-10-30T09:32:00.000-05:00

I am pretty busy today, I am still looking for my 10th grade picture that Blake told me to post...hopefully tomorrow or if i find it, later today. I am off now to make cookies with the little one...pumkin shaped ones and bats. Too bad I said we would make them from scratch. It would be SO much easier to buy the cut outs...rolling dough is fun for her though. we will see how this turns out! Betcha we make some Christmas ones too when she sees the cookie cutters!

This post by Heather was just too funny! I am not the only one!

I think there are Penguins in my back yard

2005-10-29T09:05:00.000-04:00

My dad sent these to me. They are refrigerator magnets for the modern woman. Pretty funny I think.
Not too much new. My dad is well. I love having him here. I can talk to him about freezing my arse off and he will understand and not laugh or call me a wimp. On Halloween night, it is COLD! Maxine is going to be a geisha girl. Not in full kimono regalia, but close and she will have to wear a coat. It will be hard to appreciate her costume, but when I was a kid, if people didn’t ask what you were, they wanted you to do a trick or something. Not today though. I am pretty sure they will just throw some candy in the bag and that will be it. No one will appreciate her costume but me. When I handed out candy, I wanted to know what everyone was…I was an ass like that. Especially the older kids…I always asked “So what are you this evening?” Especially when they came in regular clothes with a painted face and a hat on. I was a jerk like that. I had good candy too because I didn’t want to spend money on healthy candy that I would just throw away! I ended up eating leftovers! I am still that way today, except, my kids likes sponge bob things and just plain old Hershey bars…I just got her to try kit kat bars, she digs those and I LOVE reses peanut butter cups…I always have those on Halloween, I eat one, give some away…it works like that. I end up awake all night from the sugar…well, now I just take out the little one and FREEZE up here and I keep the candy unless there are late night kids. I don’t buy like I used to. All of the leftovers go into her bag now. I sneak one here and there.
Maybe some jokes tomorrow…I thought that they were moving the clocks back in November…didn’t they pass that? To save energy? I guess not…jerks!

What a week it has been...

2005-10-26T10:28:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I have been gone a while since it was birthday week…I was so busy, and still am. But then I got in a car wreck. NOT a big one, a small one because I still am not too familiar with the effed up roads up here. Long story sort of short…I Was in the left lane on a 4-lane road. I swerved into right lane to avoid LARGE SUV that didn’t know where it was going and stopped in traffic before pulling into median. Well, in my blind spot is a BRAND NEW SPORTS CAR. Yeah, I hit him…I got out of my car with the child and this cat didn’t even get out nor would he look at me. So he is on the phone with the cops and I pull into a field. 45 minutes later a cop comes. I get out and I am now CRYING like an idiot. I say, “I’m so sorry” to the guy I hit. He laughs and says, “It’s alright,” The cop tells me to get into my car and wait. I get a look at the guy who I hit…and I thought if he was 23, I would eat my hat…I get the police report…THE BOY CAN’T EVEN DRINK LEGALLY IN THE US!!!!! He is 20. So, back to the cop…he gets my info, goes to his car, came back and said, “Is this your daughter?” I say, “Yes” “What’s her name?” I say her name…” How old is she?” I tell him, then the cop says, “Last name the same as yours?” I said, “Uh, yes…” He said it to me all nasty, JUST LIKE THAT! I was pissed! He wrote her name down and said “You can go…” I then went to my dads where I cried and looked in the mirror to see if I had the word S-L-U-T tattooed on my forehead. I did not. Now I have to get the car fixed and UGH! I am over this mess! I have been driving for 19 years. This is only my second accident EVER! Unless you count the one that happened to me April of 04 when an open recall letter from Ford was never sent to me about the LOWER CONTROL ARM failure they have on all 2000-2002 models…yeah, I was doing 70 down the interstate when the damn wheel just fell off of my car!!!!! That is a whole different story. I do NOT count that accident as my fault for the simple fact that I didn’t hit any other cars, just trees…and the wheel was supposed to stay on the car-if it did, I would still have it!
I have not been able to read any of my favorite blogs! = ( I will do that tonight…I can’t now, I have to get my ass to work.
By the way, IT IS FREEZING UP HERE AGAIN! I wonder if my blood will ever thicken up?
I will be cleaning or showering and I think of all these great things I want to write, then I can’t because I forget. I HATE THAT!
Oh, and again, I have self-diagnosed myself. I have PCOS…I read it in a magazine and looked at it online. I think I have that…well, I KNOW I have some of the symptoms, I just have to get checked out. This is why I think now that my pap came back with abnormal cells.
I will post some funnies tomorrow.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

2005-10-18T20:26:00.000-04:00

It was SOMEBODYS seventh birthday yesterday.
I am still trying to recover from all the joy and cake.
Too soon she will be seventeen and off to college.
WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF THEN?????

worry woman

I am no good at this...ANY of it...

another zinger this morning...

There goes another one ladies.

Here it is for all you boys out there who have done us girls wrong...

Alanis Morrisette just always says it best...

SSSHHHHH~guess what I have been doing

Some things I've learned...

Funny Thursday...but sad too...

Oh Boy!

words...

ALMOST, but I didn't...

Welcome to my Nightmare...

I wanna be Don~(see bottom joke)

I have a Confession...

Something funny for a somber day...

Truth Hurts???

Still debating the last one...

One less thing...

Funny Thursdays are BACK!

Happy Happy...

Kiss it Goodbye

Too good to be true...

I'm just a girl...

The last one kills just me...

OUTRAGE.

REALLY? Good or bad? I don't know...

Here is one for the ACLU to put in their pipe and smoke!

Thanks for the email Dad~and When are you moving?

My oh my...

The newest one...(to me anyway) This is really good!!!!

YOU GO BOYS!!!!!

Signs...funny Thursday.

May First...

Wishing I could live in the television...

Can you imagine...

World's Saddest E-mail Ever

WTF IS THIS???

Priceless...

Alright then...here they are.

Here is my joke for Tuesday...

“Just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in…”

How many times have I said this line? HOW many more times am I going to say it?

My Favorite Email Joke Of All Time...(so far-in blue)

What's next I ask you...

I don't care who you are-you have to laugh at this!!!

ONLY two more months until tax day!!!!! (whew.)

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Let the GAMES begin...And I DO NOT mean the Olympics!

I have no title today.

Just when I thought it was safe...

SSDD

The blame game...

Happy Groundhogs Day!

Food For thought...

I'm Baaccckkkkkk.....

Balls coming from everywhere! I can't juggle...

Making me laugh-it is the best medicine ever...

Happy Friday...THE 13th!!!

LOOK AT ME - LOOK AT ME!!!

Can you believe THIS?...

I am expirencing technical difficulties...

Can we all be connected by Blogs too?

OH MY GOSH-too cute!

This is NOT normal right? or does this happen a lot and theyare just telling us now?

I sometimes hate Hyper-Text-Mark-Up Language!!!

Why do I even try to do this?

Happy New Years Eve!!!!!

Not for Nothing...

The NEW funny Christmas story...

Happy Friday!!!

my mindless dribble...

***Parental Advisory!***

December twenty-first, two thousand & five...LAST time I will ever think of it again...

Nickel Is Back!!!!! Nickelback-get it? Nevermind...

Good Monday Giggles...

Some more CHRISTMAS cheer!

Damn Murphy And His Laws Vol. II

White Christmas-KISS MY ASS!

Sorry Erin, I should have done it sooner...! But I don't think a lot of people are here like on yours...WORTH A SHOT!

Parental Advisory!